poemtry and prose

I dial the number and bounce my head up and down to the rhythm of a song inside my head. I realize, that the song is the same one that Loki was playing on his double pipes. The phone connects and i hear a masculine and muffled “helloo” from the other end.

“Um, yes. Donovan?” I stammer quickly bringing my focus back to the phone and the reason for calling.

“Yeah, who is this,” Donovan says. Either he was up late, or he is not a morning person.

“This is Kendra, we met yesterday? You know, Samantha’s friend?”
“OH yes, sorry about that. I had a late night and was not expecting to be up at what? Wow 6:15 in the morning.”

“I know it is early and i am really sorry. I just had the most amazing dream and i really needed to tell you or Sam. Well, mostly you. Do you want me to call you back later? Let you sleep more?”

Donovan smiles over the phone, or i imagine him smiling rather, “No Kendra that is fine. Go ahead I am mostly awake so talk away.”

I tell him about the dream, in every detail that i can remember. While i speak, Donovan listens over the phone, patiently waiting for me to finish the narrative. I wander back over to the bed and sit down, continuing to tell him my story. He nods as i mention Loki, his words of wisdom, the song and how he led me off the cliff. And the view. Oh gawd, that view. And how free i felt. Silence falls over both of us when i finish. I patiently wait to hear what he has to say about all this.

A minute passes.

“Kendra, would you like to meet me for breakfast?”

“I would love that. But can you give me fifteen minutes, as i need to get ready and stuff and then again, i do not have a car so hopefully it can be a place where i can walk. Is this too much too demand this early in the day?”

“No it is not. I have a car, how about you tell me where i can pick you up and we can figure out what sounds good and what is open from there. So tell me where you live and get ready and i will probably be there in a half hour, okay?”

I give Donovan directions to my complex and give him my number in case he gets lost on his way over. We say our good byes and i hang up the phone. I giggle like a schoolgirl and bounce over to the bathroom to take a shower. The water warms me up more and feels tingly to my skin. Closing my eyes and listening to the sounds around me i hear the soft pling of each drop of water as it hits the porcelain bathtub. It is almost like a small symphony. I open my eyes again and look for individual molecules of water drops. They are round and slippery and sorta remind me of tiny miniature pearls sliding down the drainpipe. I quickly wash my hair and get out of the shower. Today seems to be one of those days that i just might not be able to get anything done because i seem to be entranced with everything and anything.

The clock’s hands have turned 15 minutes ahead. Which means i have 15 more minutes before Donovan arrives in his car. I grab the jeans off the floor and put them on. I go into the closet and grab a black sweater. It may look nice and sunny and warm outside but experience has taught me that when the weather looks as warm and summery in the fall as it does today, then it means it is very cold outside. Snow looms on the horizon. I say a few words and hope that the weather without snow can wait a bit longer before turning horrible. It would be great if it waited until after term is over. But since i cannot control the weather, it is a nice pipe dream.

I toss the Book of Shadows and a pen and paper into my backpack and get my boots on. Which to my pleasure is just enough time to get ready as the buzzer on my door rings. Donovan has arrived. I pet Mosi a quick goodbye and toss the backpack over my shoulder, grab my keys and dart out the door. The building is silent and no one seems to be awake at this hour. Donovan sits in the main lobby with his hands cupped to his mouth, waiting for me. My assumptions are correct, as he seems very cold.

“Cold out there?” I ask walking up to him.

“Yes it is. Man, what a way to wake up.” He says. Donovan walks over to me and throws his arms around me. It is as if he has not seen me in forever. We hug for a minute and i can smell the sent of incense on him. Either that or he is wearing some weird cologne. We walk outside to Donovan’s car. He wears jeans and a long-sleeved black Legendary Pink Dots t--shirt under a heavy drab green military jacket. It appears well worm and he looks rather comfy. He opens the door of his car for me. It is a light gray 1990 Toyota Camary. He has tossed his shoulder bag on the back seat and there are all sorts of cans, paper bags and trash lining the floorboards back there. Seeing that makes me smile.

“Good morning,” he says climbing into the driver’s seat. And starts the car. “So, where would you like to go for breakfast?” He pauses as his car warms up, the heater cranked up as high as it can go.

“Someplace cheep as i really should not be spending money on eating out. But i would like to go where we can at least sit down and talk for awhile,” i respond.

“Okay, what about the Blue Boy Inn. It is a nifty cafe in old town that is open only in the morning. Not too many people will be there since it is so early and i think it is a nice place where we can sit and not get interrupted for awhile.”

I nod. “Sounds great to me. Let’s go!”

Donovan backs the car out and i find myself staring off into space again. Mostly to watch the world again, in this new way. Things have calmed down a bit but the world still appears very vivid and lucid. And the song continues to play in my mind. I find it very hard not to hum it.

The streets are bare, with very few cars on it. Mostly people either going to or getting home from their late Saturday work shifts. Or they appear neatly dressed in their finest Sunday clothing and heading to church. I smile at that thought. Church has always seemed so strange to me. Even as a child and having my parents take me to listen to the sermons once every now and then. That life and past never felt right to me and it seems so far away.

Five minutes later we park in front of the Blue Boy. It stands alone surrounded by a sea of concrete parking spots. Three other cars sit next to ours in the lot. Donovan was right; it is very early in the morning. A pang of guilt washes over me as i grab my backpack and get out of the car. He walks over to be and gives me a side hug as if he felt what i was thinking and wanted to reassure me that it was all okay.

Again he opens the door for me. I blush, never really getting used to that feeling. Not many men play the chivalrous part out all the time. It is a nice feeling but one that i do not think i will ever get used to. The waitress spots us immediately and seats us at a booth located towards the back of the restaurant. No one else sits around us so we are free to chat candidly.

Donovan orders a coffee and i ask for some orange juice.

“So, in your dream you say you met Loki, right?” he starts out while looking at the menu for what he wants.

“Yes, he was dressed in some funky clothing, had a pipe and was for the most part sitting on a rock. He advised me to listen to my heart and intuition while walking down this path and re-taught me the value of faith. At least that is what i think he meant to teach me as he lead me off that cliff.”

Donovan smiles and laughs, “Yes, i agree. I think the good old man was correct in thinking that. Kendra, what do you know about spirit guides and totems?”

I think for a bit. “I do not know much about them. Only that totems are a Native American thing that is given to you to help you walk the earth and maybe learn a few things. Is there a difference between the two concepts?”

“Yes, there is.” Donovan goes to continue but the waitress comes over to serve drinks and take our food orders. He orders a vegetarian omelet and i settle on a light order of a vegetarian quesedilla.

He continues as the waitress goes to place our orders, “Okay. A spirit guide is a astral entity that may or may not be a totem. They can be an ancestor from your past, or part of the astral plane. However, in your case, i am certain that they two are the same. Loki is your guide and what he is and represents, may be your totem. Totems are usually seen as animals or other mythological beasts. Totems differ than spirit guides because they represent ideas and qualities that you have within yourself. For example, bear is a strong and compassionate totem. You can see his energy in those who heal others.”

“Interesting.” I say, “but i am not sure i follow you on how Loki can be both of these things at the same time?”

“Well, Loki seems to have chosen you as his charge. And as a spirit guide he seems to be helping you to accept this path and new life that you stumbled onto. I think before this dream you were still skeptical, and that you really were being a full and active participant in believing in majick and how you can utilize it to change your life to attain what you want to. Therefore, he needed to clear up the confusion and doubt that you felt. I believe he is your totem because of the symbolism you say surrounded him. You said he carried a pipe with Kokopelli on it, and you say he was very childlike and yet very wise. These are typically marks of a trickster figure. Like Coyote or Raven if you have read any Indian myth stories. Tricksters are wonderful and powerful totems to have but they do have their pranks and childish humor. They will give you accurate and great guidance but at the same time they operate on whim and folly and may sometimes lead you into the most bizarre situations where you may not know what to expect or learn from.”

I nod, thinking back to Loki’s antics of spinning and the childish grin on his face before leading me off the cliff. “Okay, so spirit guides and totems appear in dreams?”

“Yes, they do. But you can always call upon their energies and guidance whenever you need it. In spells or rituals. Or if you need more guidance and help, you can bring them to you in mediations and if you are strong enough and know how to properly access it, you can visit them on the astral plane. But i highly recommend you wait to do that one until you have firmly grasped the elements of majickal energies and how to ground and protect yourself first. Not all things in the astral plane are helpful. There are some nasty things there too, just as there are nasty things here on this world.”

Our breakfast arrives and we start eating. I reflect back on what Donovan has told me about spirit guides and totems and decide that i am very lucky to have a strong and powerful totem with me. However, i still fail to see how this all connects back to the Book and it’s author and my dream. If it even does. Donovan and i sit and chat for a bit more on other topics, like where we were born, what classes we take and so on before he takes me back home. I enjoy his company but we both agreed that with our homework and terms coming up, that we needed to spend some time on our studies. I also needed to get back to Sam about her research and I felt it was time to also read more of the Book of Shadows and see what else i could learn from it.

Donovan drops me off at the front of the building. Against his protests, i do not allow him to get out of the car. It has grown colder outside and once again the smell of snow hangs thick in the air. He takes off his seat belt and leans over the gearshift to give me a hug. Once again we embrace for a while.

“I will call you later, to see how you are doing,” Donovan suggests. “Maybe we can hook up again later to talk more.”

I smile, “Sure. I would like that a lot Donovan. Yeah, depending on how much of that paper i get done and whatnot, i think i would be totally up for going out later tonight or just hanging out and talking.”

He smiles once more at me and if i did not think anything of it, i would have thought he was asking me out on a date. My face flushes red at the thought and i wave as he drives off. The sun still shines but over the hills i can tell that the clouds are coming. I shiver with cold and quickly walk inside my building.

Mosi greets me at the door again. “You know cat, if you did not purr or meow, i would say you were more like a dog. Since you tend to act more like on anyway.”

I set the backpack down, and take out the notebook and Book of Shadows. Turning on the stereo, still playing my selection of New Age background ambiance music, i sit down in my chair and set to working on writing down some notes about all i have learned. Starting with the two dreams that fit into all this somehow. I also write down Rayne’s name and draw a line connecting it and the author of the book. from those i draw a bracket to my name. There must be a connection between it all, and i need to find out what this all means.

Remembering that i need to get in touch with Sam, i get back up and grab the phone. The phone messaging system beeps, telling me that while i was out with Donovan, someone called. I dial the messaging number and retrieve my calls. My Dad called to see how i was doing and to see if i needed more cash. Dad is great, he always seems to know when i need his help or advice. I decide to call him back soon, but first i need to know if Sam had called. There are no more messages on the machine so i erase my Dad’s message. It is about 10 a.m. I presume Sam is still home by now, as she usually stays at the clubs until they close. So i dial her number.

She picks the phone up on the third ring; i get the sense of deja vu as she answers the same way that Donovan does.

“Heya Sam, it is me, Kendra. Sorry to wake you up, but i had the most amazing dream last night and i just got back from having breakfast with Donovan. I was wondering if later we could chat about how your part of the research is going?”

“Um, sure Kendra. I am not working today but i do want to get a few more hours of sleep in before i do anything today. Can i call you back when i am more coherent? I do want to hear about the dream and your ‘date’ with Donovan.”

I giggle. “Hey now, it was not a date. He talked to be a bit about the dream and what it may have meant to me. But yes, please please please call me back later. I do want to see what else you may have found out about all this. I just cannot seem to focus on anything else and i want to resolve this before i get too far behind my studies.”

“Sure thing, Kendra dahling. Chau for now.”

The phone goes dead. I turn it off and set it besides me. Then i turn back into my spot in the Book. From what i can tell i am about half way through it.