poemtry and prose

The words in the Book begin to take on a more urgent perspective of the real world the author lives in. Instead of a continuous story, there are now only bits and pieces of memories and feelings. The carefully constructed passages written earlier on seem to have become more emotional and urgent. There are hardly any dated pages and the whole thing seems to have become more of a daily diary than anything filled with magic and wonder. These random snippets and passages make it harder to read all at once. I check out the clock and it is only noon. I know i need to start working on homework so i place the Book down for further studies and pull out the laptop and get up to grab my school binder with all my notes for this paper.

The words come easily for me, as i write my paper on Mayan Calendars and the occult related ideas that come from it. I barely notice that it is getting dark out. I barely notice how Mosi is still curled up on my bed sleeping. I do however, notice, after the second ring, that someone is calling me on the phone. I save my essay and go to grab it. It is Sam.

“Heya Sam,” I begin.

“I thought you were going to call me,” she begins. “I have been waiting here all day waiting on you. There are a few things i wanted to show you. Can we get together tonight?”

I stare down at my paper for a second, since it is being written fairly easy, i decide that spending a little time with Sam would do me good. I enjoy her company, and even if we never solve this puzzle of the Book of Shadows and how it fits into my life, I am glad that it has brought us closer together in friendship again.

“Sure, but you have to come over here to show me. I have my head down in this paper and i want to get it done before class on Tuesday.”

“Okay, sure. I’ll be bringing some stuff with me. Do you have any candle holders that are not being used?”

I look around the room, and think to what i have in my cabinets, “Um, maybe. How many do you need?”

“Five of them. At the very least, two.”

“I may be able to accommodate that request. At the very least the minimum portion of it, “ I reply curious as to what Sam is going to be doing over here. “What time were you thinking about visiting?”

Sam pauses, “Well i have a few more things to get, but i can be over in about an hour. Is that still okay?”

“Sure, I will be here. Writing away on this paper. Who knows, maybe if we have some time you can look it over for me and see what you think of it?”

“Sounds good to me. See you in a bit, dahling. Chau.”

I snicker into the static of the phone. Sam has always been a character. I return back to my paper and continue working on it until Sam arrives. And as promised, the door buzzer goes off about a hour later. seeing that i am steeped into writing, i jump at the sound of it. Quickly i save my work, drop the lid of the laptop down and rush to the door to let her in and open it.

Sam enters the room. She goes over to the table and sets a grocery bag of stuff down on the table and gives me a hug.

“Okay, where are those candle holders i asked you about,” she begins.

“Check the third cabinet in the kitchen, and i will see if i have left any in the night stand. If anything i can pull out some of the candles that are in use and free up a few holders. So, what is all this for anyway?”

Sam calls out as she rustles around in my cabinet drawers. “Well, i thought since you have never really actively done any spell work or rituals that maybe we could perform a short ritual or do a spell to show you what you can do with them and how they are outlined.”

“Sure. Yeah, that sounds great.” I think back to what Loki said to me in regards to learning and doing and how that one must do in order to really consider themselves as following the path. “So Sam, what is the difference between a spell and a ritual? From what i have seen in most new age books the two of them are the same thing really.”

Sam walks back over to the table with the two candleholders and smiles. “Good question. Before i begin i just want to say that definitions of this nature tend to be very subjective. What one person might think as Spell working another would define as being apart of ritual workings. With that said, i define a spell as a single, personal request that you do for yourself. The people involved generally can be yourself but you can invite others into it if you need their assistance or witness. The energy contained in this spell is very concentrated and focused, acting on one specific goal or change. Rituals, as i see them, also contain focus and specific energy but they also allow for more open ways for everyone in the circle to celebrate their chosen deities as they see fit. They are used as a celebration, a way of drawing people together on specific holidays or dates and to come together as a community to help the world out. Spells and rituals do contain elements in their structure that are similar in style. They are very personal and emotion creations, you get out of them what you place into them. They do not necessarily require all this physical stuff but using this physical stuff does show your personality and help you in believing what you are doing and helps to remind you of what goals you do want to attain.”

I nod. “Okay, so what are we going to do tonight, a ritual or a spell?” I ask.

“I think we should probably do a spell. I think that what we need here is a spell that will both protect you as you delve deeper into the Book and of enlightenment to guide your psyche and dreams into giving you the answers you need to do to bring resolution between you and your dream and how it intertwines with the Book of Shadows that you have found. What do you think?”

“I like that idea. Okay, so show me what we need to do.”

Sam continues to take out items of stuff from the bags. “Typically the first thing one does before doing a ritual or spell is to identify exactly what you want to achieve. This goal is important because without it, your energy may not work as well or it may bring you an outcome that you did not want. So, with what we are doing here we need to know what the outcome is that you want to see. So tell me what do you think we want to have happen as a result of this?”

I sit in a chair and think. What do i really want to know? What do i really want as an outcome? Is there actually an ending to this? I look at all the things Sam has with her. There are candles, stones, a bundle of branches tied together, a velvet bag containing stuff in it, a cup, some salt she brought over from the kitchen. All this stuff is quite interesting, but i cannot see how it all comes together to help give me what i need.

“Well, i guess what i need is to know who wrote that book and how this effects me and my life. How does the two fit together?”

“Okay. That is a good question. So now that we have our outcome in mind, wanting the answer to this question. Now we compose the spell by using all this stuff i have with me and other things you have at home to create the ambiance and mood of the spell. These things will help you focus your question and put the emotional response you want into a physical form. So i guess now we select stuff that you think will help you focus you emotions and energies into getting the outcome you want. So I am going to go change some music and you select what you think will help send your message up to the Goddess and the universe.”

Sam wanders over to my stereo and draws out the binder of CDs i have. I sit and continue staring at the odd assortment of stuff she has placed on the table. I close my eyes and think about what i can use here that will help me get what i want. Resolution, i need to know what that book means. I reach out and grab a blue and purple candle. I have always felt that blue helps emotions and that purple is an imaginative color. I think these will help me the most in discovering what i need. The Book mentioned herbs and sage and i reach my hand over to pick up the bundle of sticks tied together. I bend over to smell it and it smells of Sage. I quickly add this bundle next to the two candles. I paw my way over and through the collection of stones Sam brought with her. I select two of them. One is black, the other is a funky combination of browns and blacks that when tilted towards and away from the light they morpheme and blended into each other. I really was drawn into this stone so i also set them aside.

The one thing i felt was missing from this batch of items was incense. “Hey, Sam. Can we use some incense in this spell?”

Sam calls out as she continues to rifle through the binder not even looking at me, “Sure. Actually that is a wonderful idea. Do you have some?”

“Yes,” i say and i get up to grab my incense burner and some lavender incense. i rarely use that flavor of incense as it is very strong to my nose but i do like it and how it seems to draw me into an imaginative state. I add the burner and the incense stick to the pile. The last thing that draws my eye is to the velvet pouch sitting near the end of the table.

“So Sam, what is in this bag?”

She finally looks up at me and smiles. “Give me a second and i will show you. I just want to put this CD in to your stereo.” She stands up and goes over to the stereo system. Then she wanders back over to the table. She picks up the velvet case lovingly and removes a stack of cards. The backsides are black with a celtic design woven into them. She then hands them to me to look through them.

“These are tarot cards. Most people divine answers and give advice about things to others. I also use my deck, or this deck, in spells and rituals because to me this is a great focus for working majick and making things change. There are even books out there that describe how to use them in spells and rituals. Go ahead and flip through the cards, look at the images and see if any of them strike you as wanting to be placed in this spell.”

I turn the deck over and start flipping through the cards. There are four suites printed on them. One has swords, another is of wands with flames and stuff on them, a third has coins with pentagrams, and the last suite had cups on it. There were about twenty-two cards with bold numbers on them, and these seemed to not be associated with any suite. There were images of suns and moons and people and animals. The first card i immediately saw that i liked had a colorful clown with a pack of stuff thrown over his back and a dog at his feet on it. I pulled it out from the deck and set it aside with the rest of the items. Not all the cards seemed to contain nice images, i flipped past some dark images of people crying and a tower that had been exploded and people and paper falling out of it. I shuck my head. I did not like what these images stirred in me. I added one more card to the pile. This had a simple image of nine coins being dropped down from above and into a painting. So it too when into the pile of stuff. I then set the remaining tarot cards back on their velvet pack and looked up at Sam.

“Okay, I think i have everything. So what is next?”

Sam puts most of the stuff we do not use back in the bag, but i notice she keeps the salt and the cup out. She then takes the things we are keeping and lays them out so we can see them better.

“Okay. First I want to tell you about the things you have laid out here. Starting with the stones, the black one you have selected is called obsidian; it helps in protecting you or an area from negative and harmful energies. It also helps to drag hidden thoughts and emotions up to the surface for you to face and work through them. The other stone is called Tiger’s Eye. It promotes creativity and is also good for helping people attain their goals with flying colors. I have also heard that this stone can aid people with heart problems. I think it is great that you naturally selected these two stones for this spell as they will definitely help you in achieving the goal. Of course these are but my opinions of the stones mean, there are a lot of books out there that have more explanations as to what they mean and where they got these meanings from.”

She points to the sage bundle. “This is a smudge stick, and although i did not really think that it would be used in the spell. Typically sage is a good cleansing herb and to bundle it up like this is a good way to use the smoke as a cleansing agent. You will see lots of people use this to cleanse their home and the circle and people in the circle before a ritual. So we will use it to cleanse ourselves of negative thoughts and emotions and help wash anything we do not want in this spell away from us and then we will keep it inside the spell as we work through it.

“Okay, the salt and the cup are also used for similar reasons. Salt helps to keep things outside of a circle and it is one of the ways i cast a circle when i am doing spells and rituals that call upon drawing heavy emotions or past thoughts to me. Usually it is mixed in with water and sprinkled around you, however i think we will use this to sprinkle a circle around your bed so that when you dream you will be protected by things as well as be able to keep the memory of it so you can work on it later.”

“The last two things you have here, besides the incense, are the two tarot cards you chose.” Sam points to the one with the clown figure on it. “This one, is the Fool card. Typically in readings it means new beginnings and things for you to work on. It is an excellent thing to see and have in a spell of this nature because it shows that you are willing to take the initiative to solve your problems and see things in a new light. Also, Fools are known to jump off a cliff and see where the world and faith can take you.”

That last bit caught me off guard. I had not told Sam about my dream last night. And i was sure she did not discuss me or anything with Donovan.

“What makes you say that?” I asked. “Did you talk to Donovan today?”

Sam sensed something was up, since i appeared rather agitated. “No, i have not spoken to Donovan since i saw him at the Wishpering Shadows yesterday. Why?”

I take a deep breath and begin telling Sam about the dream, about meeting Loki and how i jumped off that cliff and what i felt after it. I also tell her about having breakfast with Donovan today and all the stuff he and i talked about. She watches me with interest and nods her head. When i am done she smiles and says, “Whoa. That is great. Seems like you are being helped by some of the best helpers out there. Now i see how this card connects to you more. Your leap of faith in your dream and what we are about to do here with this spell sets the final stage i think. I think that whatever the outcome of what we do here will give you that final answer you want about the Book. Especially when connected to this other card here.”

Sam points to that card, continuing on with what we are going to do with these symbols and items on the table. “This card is the nine of coins. It denotes dreams coming to realities. With all those coins dropping from the sky it shows that we can manifest what we want, when we need it, from our dreams. Again, with all your dreams and the information you have read in the book, i think this card is more than appropriate in symbolizing what information you want. However, i think we are missing one more thing for the spell to really take a great effect.”

I look over all the items, not really knowing what we are doing i am not sure what Sam is hinting at. She begins to set up the blue and purple candles into the holders. I get a thought in my head and start moving my eyes around my room. The pile of stuff i took out of my bag earlier sits by the shoji screen. I walk over to it and retrieve the folded paper with the image that Sam printed out of Rayne and His Queen. I open the paper, look at the image once more and head back to the table.

“Here, i think this needs to be placed into it as well.” I add the folded up paper onto the table. Sam nods in agreement.

“Okay then we are ready. I will give you a brief overview of what the outline of a spell goes, or as i do them and then with a little bit more stuff, we are ready to start. Typically the first thing one does is prepare themselves for the spell. We ground out and cleanse our minds and bodies to get us into a working headspace to be able to focus and create all this change. Then we set everything needed for the spell up, and this includes getting all the tools we need like lighters and things near us so that when we cast that circle we do not need to bring it down as we have forgotten the lighter to light the candles or incense with. Then we cast a circle around us to contain the energies and things we are bringing to ourselves. We also call out any particular deities or elements that we want to have help us with our goal. I think it may be a good idea for you to call upon Rayne and his bride, themselves, as well as Loki since they may seem to be key figures in your dreams. Then we say a few carefully chosen words requesting what we want to have happen and how we want it to manifest itself so that we know it has worked. At this time we raise as much energy into what we want and focus it into the items we have on the table. And then we release it and send it out to the universe and to the deities we called upon. And finally, we thank the elements and people we asked to help us with this working. The circle comes down and we center and ground out any remaining energies we do not want staying with us.”

“Sounds fairly straight forward,” i say. “You said that at one point in all this i need to say something. But what do i say? Does it need to be a poem or what?” Doubt begins to fill my body and i start getting really nervous.

Sensing how nervous i have become Sam tries to calm me down, “Kendra, anything you say, however you want to word it will work. Some people prefer to sing things or make it all rhyme but i say do what comes naturally to you. It is not necessarily the words that you say but the feeling and the emotions behind them. You get out what you put into this remember? So if you are true to yourself and keep the energy up to match it, your spells will get heard. Do not be afraid to ask the universe for what you want. Remember the fool card. Take that leap of faith and let us see what we can solve this mystery using a little bit of majick.”

We smile at each other and i feel a little bit more relaxed. “Okay, you said the first thing to do is to get grounded and smudged. So smudge away,” I tell her.

We giggle at that thought and she grabs the smudge stick and lights one end of it. As i set about arranging the items to work into the spell, she walks around the room holding and waving the smudge stick around. Mosi shifts her weight from the bed and sniffs the air. I cannot tell if she is repulsed or drawn to it. I hear her whispering things about banishing stuff that we do not want and figure i will ask her about what she is saying later. After she addresses each direction, she takes the smudge stick and draws a pentagram with a circle around it. I guess this is her way of keeping what she does not want out of her working space. The circled pentagram acts as a seal.

She walks over to me and gets me to stick my arms out. I close my eyes inhaling the sweet scent of sage into my nostrils. She starts at the top of my head and waves the stick in a circle above me and then waves it down my front to my feet. She then walks around me and starting at the bottom she does the same thing until she gets to the top of my head.

“I need you to smudge me,” she says, holding the stick out towards me.

I grab hold of it and mimicking what she just did with me, i cleanse her off. When i am done, i give her back the stick. She places it burning side down in the cup with water.

“Now we need to ground ourselves to the earth. Do you know how to do that?” Sam says.

“Yes, i believe the book taught me a little bit of doing that. Let me tell you about what i think this is done. I push my being down into the ground, sorta imagining i am a tree and i have roots. And i sent these roots down as far as they will go into the earth. I hold them there and then draw the earth’s energy through it through me, so that i am connected to the earth and drawing more energy from it as i need it. Does that sound right?”

“Hey that is pretty good. You are learning this majick stuff pretty quickly. Okay, I say we ground and then get this circle up.”

I go through the meditation, feeling myself drop down into the ground. I feel warm and sluggish and very stable, as nothing will happen to me. I push as far as i can go, and then i stop as i feel i cannot push anymore. I relax and allow the energy from the earth climb up my imagined roots and into my body. I feel alive, as if there is nothing i cannot do. I open my eyes. Sam already is waiting for me.

“Kendra, do you want to try and cast a circle or do you want me to do it?”

“No, i want to watch you do it first. So please go ahead.”

Sam nods and starts walking around the table. She leaves a two foot gap between the area she is drawing the circle and the table so we can move freely around it. She does not say anything but just points with her finger drawing an imaginary circle around us and the space we are going to do the spell in. When she is done she walks over to the table. “We are now in sacred space, “ she says rather dramatically.

“Now we call upon the deities and elements you want guidance from. Since this spell is going to help benefit you the best Kendra i think you should be the one to call them forth as well as ask them for their guidance.”

I nod feeling slightly exposed. I light the candles and the incense and think about what i want to say. How do i want to call them into my life and have them help me with what i want? I am not sure. I stare back into the candle again, watching it and thinking about Loki and all that has happened to me in such a short period of time. The words start flowing out from me and i have no real idea what i have just said.

“I call upon the elements of fire and water, air and earth. Come help me learn the secrets of majick and the old ways. I call upon my guardian spirit Loki, the trickster. Help me to see things in a new light and gain the courage to see and do what i must learn. I also call upon the spirits of Rayne and his Queen. They are what has drawn me into this path and it is their mystery and their life that seems to be intertwined with my dreams. Please come and help me understand how we are related.”

Sam watches me, as she also seems to pay reverence to the powers I start calling upon. She nods and smiles at me. I think she is happy and impressed with what i am doing so far. I look at the picture of Rayne and of the tarot cards. I need to state my intention to these powers now. To bring what i need them to help me with into the spell.

“I have called you into this spell because i have questions and seek guidance. For a while now i have been dreaming of a past. A time when people are being torn from each other. It has been disturbing me for a while. And then i find this book, written by Rayne’s bride, whose name i do not know. And some of the things written in it and from when it was written seem to make sense and tie into my dream. But i fear that i will never know how it all ties in together. I ask you, please guide me, help me to discover what i need to do to find out how this all ties together and to bring rest and peace to what i may fear is a unhappy ending.”

By this time i have raised my arms high above my head. I did not even really notice i what i was doing. Sam has her head bowed and she seems to be breathing deeper than normally The room feels as if it has gotten dimmer and smaller and i am hot. I hold this position until i feel i cannot handle it anymore and then my arms drop to my side. I fall to my knees.

Sam rushes over to me. “Kendra, you okay?” She helps me stand to my feet. I am panting.

“Yes, i am fine. What happened? Is it done yet?”

She has a shocked and concerned look on her face. “Kendra, i have never seen anyone do what you have just done. Are you okay? Did you ground before we started this?”

I nod, “Yes you saw me. I grounded out a lot. Why, what did i do?”

“I think we need to close this spell up first, and then get you some food, before i start telling you anything that went on. Okay?”

“Okay, and yes food would be great. I am starving. I guess i will let you finish the spell out?”

“Yes, you just sit here and relax. I will devoke the energies we called upon and take down the circle. And then we will go out for a bit and talk about what just happened.”

Sam raises her arms and thanks the spirits and elements for attending our spell and for carrying our message out to the universe. She then walks around the table in the reverse path and takes down the circle. Once the circle is down i walk over to the bed and flop down. I am tired and very confused at what just happened. I close my eyes to try and get my bearings. Mosi walks over and sniffs me. Thinking that i am going to go to bed she curls up next to me. I pet her and she starts purring. Sam has opened the bag of salt and starts pouring a little bit of it out around my bed creating a makeshift circle.

“So, um, Sam can you tell me what just happened?” I ask.