poemtry and prose

It is a love sonnet, declaring my love for the Goddess and my consort Rayne. It is because of him i have learned the ways of the Goddess. It is because of him i have become a stronger woman. And it is with his blood and his life that i start a new life and a family joined together by our hands and hearts and souls as one. My belly feels warm. I have kept a secret from my Faerie King for almost a month now. I have not displayed my maidenhood. Which means i am with child. Today, on this day of days, as he gives me a new life and our souls joining as one, i shall tell him of his firstborn. I hope for a girl child. As i have written about it earlier. But either way i am happiest knowing that this is his child i am with.

The laughter grows closer, and i look up from my writings. Three children are playing games in the field near me. I place my hand on my belly again and hope that they will teach her or him all about these games and of being a wonderful free child. A small breeze picks up from nowhere, and i look up to the sky. Whence no clouds were, over the horizon i see a black patch of clouds moving ahead. I say a few words to the Goddess hoping that they will not come this way. A storm on one’s day does not make for good blessings. And that is what my life with Rayne has been since i met him. One bright blessing after another.

I tear my eyes away from the darkness and follow the children a little more. They are now running back to the altar tents, as people far and wide draw near to witness our handfasting. I stand up, rest my hands upon the tree and start wandering over to where my small little tent is. Rosemary has started burning the sweet lemon grass, ready to purify me and it’s smell fills the air with savory taste. I wander into the tent, pausing to look at Rayne’s tent standing on the other side of the altar.

The altar stands between the two tents, Lazarus sits between them placing the finishing touches on the ivy that chases up the sides and over the top. He is humming words and holds a sage smudge out, cleansing and concentrating the place where we will stand in a few minutes. The tents are there so that neither Rayne nor i can see one another. After all, we have our own preparations to make before we can join as one, in front of our community and friends. I sigh, last night was the first night we slept apart and what a fitful unrestful sleep that was. Nightmares haunted my visions. The villages grow more distrustful of our folk and some say they want us all gone. Shunned from our homes. It is a terrifying dream the ended with my parents discovering me and having me burned for treason. I shiver and cross myself, and hold onto the necklace once more. I head back into the tent and finish my cleansing ritual.

I place the book in my pack that sits under my cloak. I will remember to grab it once the festivities are over. Rosemary hovers near the altar we set up the previous evening, dedicated to all things pure and the Goddess herself, i imagine that Rayne now sits before a similar altar decorated with images of the God as the Goddess’ consort. The thought comforts me and i start meditating. Rosemary walks over to me, bowed in silent meditation. She hums a similar song as the one Lazarus spoke and fans the smokey smells towards me with a handmade feather fan. I extend my persona out and imagine myself being bathed in pure, white light radiating from the heavens.

I ask the Goddess for health and longevity for all of us. I ask the Goddess for peace and understanding between our wild, natural ways of life and the village’s structured, manufactured ways. If they could only experience what i have done and seen and felt the world as i do now, they would understand. Our ways are not so different. I touch my left hand to my forehead and bow to the figure of the Goddess that sits in the middle of the altar. I kiss her lightly on the forehead and turn to face Rosemary.

“It is time, “ I say my heart becoming nervous.

She bows, places the grapevine wreath we made a week ago atop of my head, grasps my hand and moves behind me. I take a deep breath, ground and center and the step towards the flap of the tent. Outside i hear music and rustling. Some of the children are laughing. The girl inside me wants to giggle as well, she cannot believe i am doing this. Neither can i.

I take a step out into the light. Happiness turns to concern as over the ridge i see the storm clouds moving in. Fast. Again my hand slips around the necklace and i mutter a quick spell to the Goddess. I just want this to end. In happiness and light, as ending should. But my intuition begins to alert me to something wrong. Across the path, I see Rayne and in his black robes he looks beautiful. More beautiful than i ever imagined anyone to be. The black robes highlight his features and he wears a white tunic underneath the robes with a black vest over it. His trousers are black and his athame and pouch dangles off to the left side of his belt. Atop his head is a similar wreath made from grape vines. He too, is staring off at the storm, a look of great worry and concern on his face. His eyes speak of terror. We look briefly at one another and smile.

“Let us do this now,” we seem to say although our mouths do not shed a word.

We head towards the altar, the community smiles and coos all around us. I feel a flood of love and happiness spread through everyone and that seems to push the darkness back a little. Rayne and i step to the altar and his hand rests atop mine. Lazarus ties a golden cord around our hands, and opens his mouth to speak.

Suddenly, the air begins to swirl. The clouds move in at rapid pace and the storm settles upon us. People stand around pulling their cloaks over their heads in confusion. They are unaware of what is going to happen next. Sunflower is running towards us, screaming and crying. At her sobs everyone now turns to her, including Rayne and i, and see that she is being chased down by hundreds of men riding horseback. They ride in with the storm, thunder and lightening following as the feet of the horses trample into the grounds.

Sunflower cries out, “Run. Run away. Before they kill us all. They have destroyed the homes in the forest. Run now.”

The crowd bursts into panic and confusion. The blades of the men’s swords glint dark red in the flash and streaks of lightening. Children begin to sob and run. Men grab their staffs awaiting battle, hoping to give the rest of the community some time before they are out numbered and overrun by the men of the village. A few rush forward to meet them head on, they stand tall but fall fast.

My eyes tear up as i watch this spectacle. Rayne and i are helpless to stop it. And yet we stand there, unable to move. My mouth purses, and i want to speak to him. His rage fills up, i can see him reaching for his athame. Tears start flowing down my cheeks.

“My love. My dearest Rayne. I love you. With all my heart and soul from the first day i laid eyes on you. We are already joined as one. As the Goddess above and the world here have bore witness. I know not why they are doing this to us. Hunting us down, as we were the cause of their misery. But i know that you must go now to defend our way of life our community and our Goddess. I will wait for you in the cave. And if i do not hear from you or about you, or see you, i will wait there for three days time. If you do not return i shall carry on, in your name all life and traditions and my love. Oh sweet Rayne, my savior, my protector. Thank you.”

I lean over and kiss his deeply and passionately, allowing my soul to fill his body and soul. It may not be much of a protection but it is all i have to offer him. He unsheathes his athame, and i hear the cord fall to the ground as it is cut. Tears pool between our faces and he pulls away. Silently. His hand holding high as it pulls further and further away from me. He blows one single kiss and whispers “i love you” and then turns to go defend us all.

Men and women all around me are being thrown to the ground. Horses and swords spearing them down. I am crying but i know that i must keep my spirits up for Rayne. There is a little girl child crying on the field, a horseman rides towards her. I run as fast as my feet allow and grab her, darting off to get my things from the tent. The moment i sprint into the tent, i hear men’s voices chiding me, teasing me with threats of death. The tents walls suddenly collapse and i bury the girl and myself in the cape and yell “Stop, in the name that is holy and good, please stop. We are your sisters and brothers and have done no harm. Why do you want to harm us in this way? For the love of the Goddess and the God. Please let us be.”

I hold my breath, waiting to be slain. The silent sobs of the girl drip into my dress. But no swords fall, no feet trample us to the ground. There is nothing but silence. The thunder and the rain and the wind have gone. There are no more screams. Nothing. I hold my breath as i grab onto the little girl harder. Five minutes pass and i slowly move us out of the fallen tent.

The sun shines once again, and all around me i see slain bodies. Not all of them are of the community. Some of them are the bodies of the men who were sent to destroy us, cut into by their own swords. I gasp, looking around for signs of survivors, but knowing that if anyone survived they would have run back to their homes and be headed for new lands. I hold the little girl in my arms. She is light and is no longer crying. I silently comb the field for signs of Rayne’s body. I dare not warn any more attacks my way. After awhile of looking and i do not see his body, i take the girl back to her house, guided by her words softly spoken into my ears. Luckily, we arrive to find her father, still alive packing necessities. He knows nothing of Rayne’s disappearance but is grateful for the return of Elondra, his daughter. His wife was not slain today, she was one of the peoples held hostage in the village. He thanks me profusely and he and his daughter escort me back to the cave.

The cave is dark, the fire having burnt out a long time ago. I promise the man i will be okay and that he should join the others in finding a new home. I tell him i will stay put and wait for Rayne to return. I smile an assurance that i will be fine. I tell him that i shall find them, in three days, if Rayne does not return. He leaves and the darkness of the cave envelops me. I start crying. Three days pass and there is no sign of Rayne. I am cold and hungry, fearful of leaving the cave in case Rayne returns. The tears stream down my face again and I know that i must leave soon, to join the others.

Carefully, i make my way to the altar room. I arrive there and fumble for items carefully placed and known by heart. I sit before the altar table beautifully carved by Rayne, and hold back tears. This is the last time i shall cast circle here and greet the Goddess in our way. I light a single candle and raise my arms to the Goddess. And cast a circle around me with my hands.

“Fire, water, wind, stone. Be here now. Please protect and guide Rayne back to me. Whether he has fallen into your hands now or is hovering between worlds in some dark cell, please give him the courage to fight this out. And give him my love as i am his bride. I wish he could see me and our daughter grow strong to carry forth his message to everyone. To keep the memory alive. I shall never forget him and will devote my days to the community and children, teaching them as i have been taught. Fire, water, wind, stone. So Mote It Be.”