Judgement
After having received the disturbing emails that constantly reinforced tarot themes and messages show up constantly in her email inbox, Lexi decided to try and focus on other things for the next few days. Instead she focused on her other, more normal life, as Naomi had suggested. She called Claudia and arranged to head out with her and "the crew" to go out for a mall crawl. While there, the four of them vowed to go dancing on Friday night. At first Lexi did not want to go but after much chastising from Claudia and her other friends, she conceded and gave into temptation. After which, she got them to help her find some new and suitable night-life clothing for the future event.
She even added a few more pages to her dissertation. Lexi had been hesitant to use her machine after the email incident but once she disconnected her wireless from receiving any internet connectivity, she found that she was able to focus more on entering her notes into her dissertation, and come up with a few conclusions that she had not entered in it once before. In fact, she found that she was able to get a lot of productivity done without distractions and had no desire to play with the tarot deck. She thought that her life was going to return to normal until she hit upon some of the notes she had written about her Windchaser Tarot. She had been writing about how the different symbols on the cards seemed to be the same from deck to deck. She found the connections and beliefs surrounding the symbolism over the decades to be a strange and similar constant. As she uncovered this revelation, her mind once again focused back towards the tarot.
Against her better judgment she decided to reconnect her wireless and found a decent internet connection and went to her favorite web search engine. She plugged in the words tarot deck images and spent a few hours surfing the images it turned up on various sites. She was amazed at the accuracy of her own prediction. Even the computer generated images appearing on many of the newest decks in the lineage contained similar cups and swords and colors that the tarot decks throughout history dating back to the first "true" deck called the Rider Waite deck. Lexi clearly was able to see a pattern in the images and wondered if the deck makers tried to work independently from the other images other designers were crafting or if they did a lot of research on all sorts of different decks and then compiled a list of common words, traits or symbols they wanted to use in their own creations. She wrote down the names of a few of the newer publishing houses and independent creators and vowed to get in touch with them and ask them about their creative processes on designing their own deck.
Her fingers and mind itched to review her own deck that she had purchased a very short time ago. "Okay," she told herself, "since you have been extremely good this week and worked very hard on your dissertation and keeping the small handful of friends that you DO have, you can allow yourself the luxury to view the tarot deck for just a little bit. If only to compare your deck and see how it stacks up to the other decks that you have bookmarked and vowed to get some other day."
She felt around the back of her bookcase where she stuffed the deck in a feeble attempt to hide the growing addiction that the decks were posing for her. Finally, after bending over to get a better view of the shelf, she pulled out the rough silk package. Small grey granules of dust and paper from her vast paperback collection had settled down into the silk. Lexi blew off the dust on the back of the deck's wrapping and then blatently sneezed.
"Ugh, dust. Yay for allergies," she said sniffling and brushing the rest of the deck off against her pant leg. Rubbing her nose with the back of her hand, she plopped back over on the futon with her deck. She sat the computer on her lap as she slouched against the cold, hard wall of her apartment. She carefully clicked through website that featured all of the Rider Waite card images in their original size and then sat the corresponding Windchaser Tarot card in the gutter of the computer to get a side by size comparison. She then grabbed the nearest black and white composition book to start writing down notes and seeing just how tied into it all her own cards. Once she was done with a card it went from her left, to the computer and then set down on her right.
Fifteen minutes into the study, she closed the computer down and put the two halves back together again. She figured that she spent enough time with the deck and it was ready to put it back into a different spot on her bookcase.
Curiosity was getting the better of her however and slowly she brought the deck back up to her chest. "What is the harm in trying to do one more reading?" she asked herself and her the blankets she slept on.
Not having gotten an answer she decided that the universe was accepting in allowing her to do another reading. She held the full seventy-eight card deck close to her chest and closed her eyes. She imagined a lot of her energy flowing into the tiny paper cards filling them all up with her personality and connections to the world. After a few minutes of silent introspection and meditation she let out a long, long drawn out sigh.
"I should try a different reading and spread," she said looking around the room trying to find her book. Because she felt pressed for time and because she did not locate her book and was feeling a bit delinquent and was afraid that someone, at any moment was going to knock on the door and bust her for attempting a second reading, she decided to once again use the familiar five card spread of The Dragon's Eye Spread.
"Okay," she said once more trying to convince herself that this reading would not spawn anything too earth shattering like the first reading that she had done. "Here we go."
She shuffled the deck, being very, very careful to not destroy the edges of the decks. When she was done, she smoothed out the edges of the deck, making sure that all the cards stacked perfectly aligned with one another. She hesitated once more, almost as if she was afraid to see what information the tarot would reveal this time. "Nothing bad, this time," she said, halfway telling the deck to not pull any other earth shattering revelations on her.
"Card one," she silently announced, this time bypassing all the theatrics that she had done the last time she read the cards herself. "The Wisdom of the Ancients. It suggests past influences of family and friends. And the card that we get here is..."
Lexi closed her eyes as she drew the first card. She quickly flipped over the card. It made a swacking sound as its edge scraped against another side of the cards still on the deck.
"The card I have drawn," she started, "is... The Devil. Ugh, I really do not like the way this reading is going. So yeah, The Devil card. Apparently this card relates to one's inhibitions. It seems to be warning me that if I keep doing what I am doing, then things may happen. I am not sure what this means, as I do not think I am indulging in anything bad. I do not do drugs and have not imbibed alcohol in almost a year now. So I am not sure how this card really relates to me or suggests what information the elders and ancients are trying to tell me. So yeah, maybe other cards in the spread may help direct me to where this reading is going."
She coughed a bit, "Okay. So position two, the Spirit of the Tribe which gives me insight from the cultural influences of the world I live in. And in this position, we now have the Five of Pentacles. Hmm, I am not liking how depressing this reading seems to be. First we have the Devil and his chains as he holds two people hostage against their whim but now we have a picture of two people wandering through blizzard like conditions past a house that is well light and full of light and laughter. This card, makes me cold just staring at it. This card leaves me feeling like life has abandoned me and does not give me a way out of a solution whatever it means. I just hate how bad this card makes me feel hopeless. There has always got to be a way out even when the situation always looks its bleekest."
"Position three, the Spirit of Time. The card in this position gives the insight that comes only with age. I see this sort of like the aging of a fine wine. And the card in this position is," she drew another pause as she worked on slowly drawing the card from the top of the deck and setting it down on the bedspread next to the two other tarot cards. "The Page of Swords. Hmm, he or she is rather pretty. This person seems to be rather caught up in the sword he or she is holding. However, he is not smiling, it is as if he is not happy with the sword he has in his hand. His face is painted in a scowl and it seems as if the sword is starting to weigh heavily in his hands as he is holding it. Not sure what this really means but it is almost as if his youthfulness is getting in the way of him wanting to be more grown up or further down in the progression of wanting to do something really cool. Hmmmm..."
"Position four, the Spirit of Place. Ah yes, home is where the heart is, and as places tend to view us as we live inside them this position gives more insight into what influences might exist where you were born or where you currently live in. And in this position we have, the Four of Cups. This card, seems more detached that some of the kids I see in the psychology college of Fieldsmith's. Beauty surrounds this person as there are trees, green hills and a bunny and squirrel who are hopping around the person's feet as they go about their daily routine. Instead of appreciating the beauty in the world around him, however, this one seems very self absorbed and apathetic. Is this person smoking pot to not see the world as beautiful as it is around them? And what did I do, shuffle the deck and get all the depressing cards out on top. I have not been this depressed in a long time, actually, ever since I got those emails. I have been relatively happy thank you very much The Windchaser Tarot. So yeah, please stop giving me the lame assed horrible depressing cards, please."
"Thankfully, the next card I lay down to the incredibly depressing reading is also the last one. So yay, I am spared. I may need some serious cheering up after this because wow, this is getting really depressing. Okay, so the last and final position is the Fruits of the Journey which details the culmination of all the events and experiences that your past lives have ended up living up to. This card should provide an over all context, so here is hoping that this last card, that helps to to end all this depression and chained imagery that is currently littering my bed like a parade of little high school goths and emos with dark deep scars on their wrists and tears dripping in spades down their eyes. And in this position we have The Hanged Man."
Lexi blinked a bit and let the remaining cards in the deck loosely drop down on her bed spread. "You have got to be kidding me. What the hell is all this, the imagery alone is depressing and dark. What the hell are you trying to do to me, make me helliously depressing here?"
"Okay, thankfully the imagery is darker than the meaning of the card and what it represents. This is Oden, the Norse God. He hangs from the World Tree by one foot. He does this so he can receive higher wisdom and training from his pantheon of Gods so that he can figure out how to save his people. Below him, scattered on the ground are the Norse Runes, which were the gifts he received from having sacrificing forty days and forty nights of hanging upside down looking for new perspectives. Wow, what a mouthful. Therefore, I know that this card, does not really bring death and destruction but rather it brings a new perspective and hope to the person that draws the card. Well, lookie that.... all this death and sadness in the past four cards does not seem to end in more sorrow and depression. It basically shows that throughout life, there will be a lot of good things and a lot of bads things that happen to you. But no matter what happens in life, always remember to view each situation with a new perspective."
"So, yay, thank you Windchaser Tarot, you did not disappoint me at all this time. Instead you decided to show me that there are different perspectives out there and all I need to do is let them into my life and accept them into my heart. What a nice thing to do. And it brings a smile back to my face. Man, you had me going there... for a second I fretted and feared that you were going to put in another evil twist to all this and make me stop wanting to have any interest in the tarot at all. Which would be sad, seeing that you and your symbols and meaning all fit into what I am writing about and what I have spent my whole life chasing around."
She absently started resorting the deck and putting it back into its proper order again, continuing to ponder her second attempt at a reading and comparing it to the previous reading and the ritual she had also performed. "Tarot reading is a bit weird. I am still really uncertain on how the whole positions and the cards themselves relate to one another but hey, it is great entertainment and gives me something to do. Of course, do not ask me if I am getting any warnings or insight yet but I guess in some way my subconsciousness may be doing so."
She set the tarot deck back on the her book case on the bottom shelf; far, far in the corner. The clock on the wall showed seven p.m. not only was it time for her to make dinner but it was also time to figure out what she was going to do that evening.