poemtry and prose

Lexi continued to stare at the poster for what seemed like a much too long time. Shadowed figures walked at various speeds behind her as she continued to gaze into the image of the tower, wondering if there was any other hidden meaning behind it all. A few people walked up to her, peered into the bookstore window, wondering what Lexi was staring at so intensely and then wandered off once they could not figure out what the girl was watching.

A lot of memories and thoughts ran through Lexi's head, "What am I going to do? What does all this mean? How can I escape this fate that the cards so apparently want me to take on? This is not fair, life has never really been too kind to me and given me a shot. I cannot believe this is happening. What do I do next?"

Clouds blew in over head, which pushed up a horribly cold gust of wind. Lexi shivered and felt even more cold and alone than she ever had before. There was no one she could turn to for help or advice. No one that would believe her at this point anyways. Lexi pushed back from the posted that was securely affixed on the window and continued walking. She got as far as the Library, the one last place to call a peaceful sanctuary, before she decided to turn around and head back home.

This time, she took the path that passed by a the fountain that held a statue of one of the school's founders. Aaron Fieldsmith. He had been a big believer in the value of higher education and how it should be accessible to everyone, not just to people that could afford it with money from their pockets or bank accounts. The bronze statue showed him standing proudly tall, watching over the school that he helped to create and make sure that the money used to build the courses and curriculum could sustain and support the values of learning for all. Lexi's school was considered a party school to most of the undergraduate population, as it was well known that the school's administration would bring almost any kid who wanted to better themselves with learning into the college. Which created a real big diversity of personality types on her campus. Lexi was never a real big fan of parties or using the time she spent on campus to screw around or play. After all, it was her money that paid for the things so she wanted to make sure that she got the most out of the school and used that knowledge to help her secure a possible future in a field that she knew all too well might not even provid her with anything stable.

A few coins, mostly pennies glinted in the basin below the statue. The campus landscapers had emptied out the basin a few days ago, preventing water damage to the fountain and to the statue that sat above it. Lexi found it strange that no matter how wet or dry the basin was, that people still wanted to cast their dreams, in the form of the coins, down deeply before the campus founder's spirit. An urban legend said that the students who cast coins filled with hidden whispers of their dreams or wishes for success down into the well and waters beneath the statue on the day before the first day of their freshman classes, would find more success moving ahead in college and in their life than those who did not believe in the power of learning and staying with tradition. Even Lexi herself, upon setting her first foot on campus only hours before her first classes tossed her dreams into the basin in the form of a bright and shiny coin that also shared her birth year on it. She may have not believed in superstition but she also felt that doing any ritual to help her achieve her dreams was worthwhile in doing.

Lexi paused by the basin and wondered just what happened to the coins that carried the dreams of all the students who threw money into the coins. She knew that it had been two years since she had first stood by the statue and she knew that the composition and coins that laid in the basin changed. She looked deep down into the well at the glinting coins, hoping that she would recognize and find her dreams still buried deep down somewhere in the well. On a whim, she thrust her hands deep into the pockets of her jacket searching for a coin or two to toss back down into the well. However, her pockets were bare, save for a few pieces of lint. Lexi sighed as the wave of depression washed back over her as the realization of poverty hit her.

"What is going on?" she asked herself again, as she pressed against the growing gusts of wind blowing in from the East. The world grew darker around her as the incoming storm grew harder. "What can I do to change the outcome of this horrible dream. Or is it, I mean maybe I am just really tired and that everything that has been going on is just a figment of my overly stressed out and lack of sleep mind? My mother always did tell me that I had an highly overactive and reactive imagination. So maybe this is all really some weird hallucination that I have somehow dreamt up and just need to go home, drink more tea, and maybe rest a bit more. I do not have to go back to work for a few more days. Thanks to Shane, I got a bit of a vacation."

As she continued to walk, her thoughts drifted over Shane and his mother, Meghan, whom had treated Lexi more like a daughter than her own maternal mother did. She wished that she had lived closer to Meghan and could have been there for their family during this time. The very thought that Meghan was going to end her successful career as a psychologist for the college she had gone to understudy at was hard for her to swallow. Meghan had been such an awesome role model and Lexi knew that the school would be losing a valuable contribution to their staff once she left.

"Meghan could talk anyone out of a real bad spot, and I wish I could call her up right now and tell her everything that is in my head. About how sorry I am for having been the one to cause Shane to hang himself, about how my trying to even study the tarot deck has done more harm to me than anything. Naomi has sworn by all this but I will be that even she would run and turn away from me now. There is no way in hell that anyone would want to know this horror. Hell, I wish that I did not have to deal with this. I wish that I could get away from it all and have my life return to normal."

Finally Lexi arrived back at the twin oaks that lined the entrance of her apartment complex. They seemed unfriendly and more twisted than they ever appeared to her before. Their brown wood seemed darker and twisted in the darkening sky. She twisted her head to peer down at the spot where she burned the cards once more before slowly ascending the steps back to her apartment. The boys across the hall were once again outside the apartment, and were poised to whistle at her, but when they saw the blank stare appear across Lexi's face, their mouths shut and a strange silence hushed over the three friends. Two of the boys had jackets on and they were zippered up closed. The third, non-smoking boy had a opened blue and yellow flannel that was worn over a green t-shirt that had several white bleach stains on it. The flannel blew silently as the breeze that entered the hallway caught ahold of it. Instead, they stayed silent and two of the boys continued to smoke their pungent and foul smelling cigarettes. Lexi heard the sound of burning tobacco and crisply burning paper as each boy slowly moved the cigarette up to their mouth and sucked through the filter contained in the bottom of each cancer stick. The air around her grew smokey as they exhaled towards her.

They watched her slide the key to her apartment into the keyhole and heard the door unlock with an almost inaudible click. She turned and looked over her shoulder once more before going inside to the haven. The boys stood motionless and gave her no sign of emotion. She shut the door behind herself, giving them back the space of the hallway to carry out their business. She slid the bolt back in place and heard the silent click as it locked her safely inside. She also placed the old-fashioned chain lock into the door's cradle as well, just in case. She was not sure why she felt compelled to do so but she felt like she had to.

Lexi wandered over listlessly to her bed and sat down. Her depression started getting the better of her and she sat staring around at all the objects that filled her room. None of them seem to matter anymore and she was too tired to even read any of the books on how symbolism connected single people to the greater cultures spread all over the globe. Her eyes felt tired and dead and she blinked them a few times as she turned her head slowly to face the apartment.

"I am so tired," she said to the room, "so very tired. And I need some decent sleep. I am tired of having horrible dreams about women with holes for eyes and tribal peoples wanting to cook my flesh so that they can continue to survive. None of that does me a lick of good." She started rubbing her fingers over the smooth and cool bedspread, as if it were her security blanket and that doing so would make everything all better. Still, she was alone and had no one to confide into or could tell her what to do.

She turned to face her bathroom as an idea hit her. "Hmm, I wonder if I have any of those meds left over. I am almost positive that Dylan did not take them with him when he left two weeks ago. And if he did leave them, them so be it"

Lexi pulled her heavy body up off the futon and moved over to the bathroom. The mirror in the room also hid an old style medicine cabinet. Lexi rarely used the cabinet, preferring to house most of her make-up or toiletries in a carry all box that she had used throughout high school and her undergraduates years. Some habits were hard to break and she knew that she would drag that box with her everywhere as long as it held together.

She touched the small magnetic corner of the mirror and was startled as it sent a small electric shock through her fingers.

"Ouch," she said throwing the door to the medicine cabinet open. "Damn it, I got to be more careful."

Her gut had been right, for there was a shelf of at least a half a dozen bottles of medicines, vitamins and other various sundries sitting on in the cabinet. "Dylan had forgotten to take most of his medicines, I guess he forgot them," she said, a small smile moving over her lips. Her eyes gazed over a bottle of shaving cream, with it's blue cap and shiny metal base slowly growing rusted from having been in the shelf with humidity untouched for several months. She moved her eyes from the bottom of that bottle to the top of the plastic blue bottle that was his Degree deodorant. Lexi thought about all the good times that she and he had and how she found the slight smell of that deodorant comforting when she would lay her head on his chest before going to bed at night. Of course, one whiff of the scent now would send her into tears. Finally, hiding tucked behind the two taller bottles of shaving creme and cologne she found what she was looking for.

The small brown bottle with a white cap had the name Dylan Thomas written on it. Next to it was a pharmaceutical number of 54363. Dylan often had sleeping issues himself and needed a boost to sleep, and somehow convinced his doctor to get him some Ambien CR to help him sleep. She reached out and carefully maneuvered the bottle from behind the others. It shook only slightly revealing maybe half a dozen pills inside the bottle. Lexi rolled the bottle in her hands and read the prescription notes. USE ONLY WITH WATER AND AT BEDTIME. TAKE 2 PILLS AT BEDTIME TO HELP WITH INSOMNIA. DO NOT TAKE IF YOU ARE GOING TO DRIVE OR OPERATE HEAVY MACHINERY. In case of an overdose, please call your doctor immediately. FOR MORE INFORMATION PLEASE READ THE INFORMATION THAT CAME WITH THIS BOTTLE, read the label.

She did not see any expiration dates written on the bottle, which meant that the small ovular pills still contained their potency. She shut the medicine cabinet and saw the ghastly reflection of her face back on the mirror. She hoped that by taking these pills she would finally get the sleep she deserved and needed to continue to function and keep a stable, normal life-style. Lexi moved back into the main room and grabbed a dirty glass that sat on the counter top. She set the pills down on the counter and rinsed the glass out with some water and then filled the glass halfway full with water.

Lexi opened the bottle of pills and shook a few out into her hand. She slapped her hand over her mouth and quickly popped the pills back down her throat. She washed them down with the water and poured out the remaining water down the sink. Then grabbing her favorite teddy bear, whose fur was soft and silky like a kitten that she wished she could have, she laid down on the bed, trying to avoid the stack of tarot cards that were still down at the foot of the bed. She snuggled her body up as tightly into a ball as she could and then closed her eyes.

Soon after, she was fast asleep, her body rhythmically rising and falling to her breath. Lexi did not dream during the drug induced sleep.

What felt like hours going by Lexi finally woke up, the strange feeling of warmth that only being outside under the bright hot sun could bring. Lexi sat up and found herself laying in the middle of a dusty cross-roads, instead of being safe and secure in her bed. The teddy bear that helped see her to sleep was no where to be found. Lexi pushed the hair that covered her face back and looked around her. She was in the middle of nowhere. No telephone polls sat in the ground, and no cars were seen traveling to and from the crossroads where she now sat. She was alone. With the hot, high mid-day sun bearing down on her.

Lexi stood up, puzzled and afraid. "Hello," she called out. "Hello, is any body out there? Can you hear me?" Her voice echoed across the desert wasteland as a few trees and brown shrubs gently swayed in the small breeze. It sounded strange as the air and the sky carried it far and away from where she was standing. But no one returned her call. She definitely was alone.

"This is great," she said, "now what? I have no idea where I am or how to get back home. I wonder where I am?"

Lexi stared off into the distance, as the heat waves formed lines towards the landscape that was growing up into hills and mountainsides capped with frost and snow. She saw no movement other than the light breeze. She whipped around to look at the other set of roadways which stretched out long and wide out into the barren wastelands. Again, nothing as far as the eye could reach. She was stuck and alone, with no idea where she was and no way of getting her back home. She ran her hand through her hair again and stared up into the sky. There were no signs or street signs to be found anywhere. She wondered if places like this still existed in America, and according to where she was standing, she assumed that there were a few remaining places that did exist.

High above her was the sun, beating down its warm rays, feeding Lexi's skin with its energy. A few clouds moved across her field of vision in a slow and lazy pattern. Neither gave her any indication of what direction they were moving in. It seemed like they felt as stuck as she did, standing in the dusty roadway.

Suddenly the bright glint of something laying in the roadway caught her eye and the light of the sun. Wondering what it was, she slowly moved over to it, her boots kicking up small puffs of dust as she walked. She bent down and looked at the glowing item. It was a white tarot card, the last from The Windchaser Tarot. Lexi brushed the dirt and dust from the image and saw a giant wheel drawn on it. It had twelve spokes, each depicting a season or an object in them. The wheel was set high up in the clouds and a red ribbon banner floated over it. She picked the card out of the dust and held it close in her hands and then hugged it to her chest. She turned around to look at the four paths that sprawled out long before her and wondered which direction she was going to head down.