If the words that are written in the book and my dreams are but one in the same they probably tell of a time when faeries and humans walked the earth side by side as companions. Somehow from this book i understand that part of my heritage is from Aurora. That she is the one whose life and love gave us the right to continue believing in fae and the Goddess and that majick can and still exists in this world. I wipe the teardrops off the paper. The book falls from my lap onto the bed at an angle and opens to the last page of the book. Inside there is an inscription, similar to the one i found inside the first page of the book. The penmanship of this inscription however, differed in style to the one in front of the book. It read,

To my dearest Aurora,
The guiding light of my soul,
The spark of fire in my heart.
To thee i give you this book,
A testament to all i know, and to help
You live life as you want to.
And thee harm none,
Do as thy will.
Love others and yourself,
that is the key. For without love,
There cannot be any majick.
Fire, water, wind, and stone
All come together to greet the great spirit.
And it is with her and the four that we are made
Into one. One mind, one love, one race.
I am you and you are me,
Always and forever.
So Mote It Be.

Rayne MourningStar of the Fae

I hug the book to my chest and look up as i feel warmth spread a kiss across my face. I know understand what this all means. We are all connected. Life moves in a circle, we have once been, we are now, and we always will be. There is only majick and energy and it holds us together and gives us a way to communicate throughout the ages. The sun is out and it is a new day. I set the book besides me and wander outside to greet it as it rises. I feel slightly lighter than i ever felt and the sun appears more dazzling than i ever saw. I reach around me and discover two tiny pairs of faerie wings lightly floating in the morning breeze, a small reminder of the journey i just stepped onto and walked from.

It is a love sonnet, declaring my love for the Goddess and my consort Rayne. It is because of him i have learned the ways of the Goddess. It is because of him i have become a stronger woman. And it is with his blood and his life that i start a new life and a family joined together by our hands and hearts and souls as one. My belly feels warm. I have kept a secret from my Faerie King for almost a month now. I have not displayed my maidenhood. Which means i am with child. Today, on this day of days, as he gives me a new life and our souls joining as one, i shall tell him of his firstborn. I hope for a girl child. As i have written about it earlier. But either way i am happiest knowing that this is his child i am with.

The laughter grows closer, and i look up from my writings. Three children are playing games in the field near me. I place my hand on my belly again and hope that they will teach her or him all about these games and of being a wonderful free child. A small breeze picks up from nowhere, and i look up to the sky. Whence no clouds were, over the horizon i see a black patch of clouds moving ahead. I say a few words to the Goddess hoping that they will not come this way. A storm on one’s special day does not make for good blessings. And that is what my life with Rayne has been since i met him. One bright blessing after another.

I tear my eyes away from the darkness and follow the children a little more. They are now running back to the altar tents, as people far and wide draw near to witness our handfasting. I stand up, rest my hands upon the tree and start wandering over to where my small little tent is. Rosemary has started burning the sweet lemon grass, ready to purify me and it’s smell fills the air with savory taste. I wander into the tent, pausing to look at Rayne’s tent standing on the other side of the altar.

The altar stands between the two tents, Lazarus sits between them placing the finishing touches on the ivy that chases up the sides and over the top. He is humming words and holds a sage smudge out, cleansing and concentrating the place where we will stand in a few minutes. The tents are there so that neither Rayne nor i can see one another. After all, we have our own preparations to make before we can join as one, in front of our community and friends. I sigh, last night was the first night we slept apart and what a fitful unrestful sleep that was. Nightmares haunted my visions. The villages grow more distrustful of our folk and some say they want us all gone. Shunned from our homes. It is a terrifying dream the ended with my parents discovering me and having me burned for treason. I shiver and cross myself, and hold onto the necklace once more. I head back into the tent and finish my cleansing ritual.

I place the book in my pack that sits under my cloak. I will remember to grab it once the festivities are over. Rosemary hovers near the altar we set up the previous evening, dedicated to all things pure and the Goddess herself, i imagine that Rayne now sits before a similar altar decorated with images of the God as the Goddess’ consort. The thought comforts me and i start meditating. Rosemary walks over to me, bowed in silent meditation. She hums a similar song as the one Lazarus spoke and fans the smokey smells towards me with a handmade feather fan. I extend my persona out and imagine myself being bathed in pure, white light radiating from the heavens.

I ask the Goddess for health and longevity for all of us. I ask the Goddess for peace and understanding between our wild, natural ways of life and the village’s structured, manufactured ways. If they could only experience what i have done and seen and felt the world as i do now, they would understand. Our ways are not so different. I touch my left hand to my forehead and bow to the figure of the Goddess that sits in the middle of the altar. I kiss her lightly on the forehead and turn to face Rosemary.

“It is time,” I say. My heart grows nervous.

She bows, places the grapevine wreath we made a week ago atop of my head, grasps my hand and moves behind me. I take a deep breath, ground and center and the step towards the flap of the tent. Outside i hear music and rustling. Some of the children are laughing. The girl inside me wants to giggle as well, she cannot believe i am doing this. Neither can i.

I take a step out into the light. Happiness turns to concern as over the ridge i see the storm clouds moving in. Fast. Again my hand slips around the necklace and i mutter a quick spell to the Goddess. I just want this to end. In happiness and light, as ending should. But my intuition begins to alert me to something wrong. Across the path, I see Rayne and in his black robes he looks beautiful. More beautiful than i ever imagined anyone to be. The black robes highlight his features and he wears a white tunic underneath the robes with a black vest over it. His trousers are black and his athame and pouch dangles off to the left side of his belt. Atop his head is a similar wreath made from grape vines. He too, is staring off at the storm, a look of great worry and concern on his face. His eyes speak of terror. We look briefly at one another and smile.

“Let us do this now,” we seem to say although our mouths do not shed a word.

We head towards the altar, the community smiles and coos all around us. I feel a flood of love and happiness spread through everyone and that seems to push the darkness back a little. Rayne and i step to the altar and his hand rests atop mine. Lazarus ties a golden cord around our hands, and opens his mouth to speak.

Suddenly, the air begins to swirl. The clouds move in at rapid pace and the storm settles upon us. People stand around pulling their cloaks over their heads in confusion. They are unaware of what is going to happen next. Sunflower is running towards us, screaming and crying. At her sobs everyone now turns to her, including Rayne and i, and see that she is being chased down by hundreds of men riding horseback. They ride in with the storm, thunder and lightening following as the feet of the horses trample into the grounds.

Sunflower cries out, “Run. Run away. Before they kill us all. They have destroyed the homes in the forest. Run now.”

The crowd bursts into panic and confusion. The blades of the men’s swords glint dark red in the flash and streaks of lightening. Children begin to sob and run. Men grab their staffs awaiting battle, hoping to give the rest of the community some time before they are out numbered and overrun by the men of the village. A few rush forward to meet them head on, they stand tall but fall fast.

My eyes tear up as i watch this spectacle. Rayne and i are helpless to stop it. And yet we stand there, unable to move. My mouth purses, and i want to speak to him. His rage fills up, i can see him reaching for his athame. Tears start flowing down my cheeks.

“My love. My dearest Rayne. I love you. With all my heart and soul from the first day i laid eyes on you. We are already joined as one. As the Goddess above and the world here have bore witness. I know not why they are doing this to us. Hunting us down, as we were the cause of their misery. But i know that you must go now to defend our way of life our community and our Goddess. I will wait for you in the cave. And if i do not hear from you or about you, or see you, i will wait there for three days time. If you do not return i shall carry on, in your name all life and traditions and my love. Oh sweet Rayne, my savior, my protector. Thank you.”

I lean over and kiss his deeply and passionately, allowing my soul to fill his body and soul. It may not be much of a protection but it is all i have to offer him. He unsheathes his athame, and i hear the cord fall to the ground as it is cut. Tears pool between our faces and he pulls away. Silently. His hand holding high as it pulls further and further away from me. He blows one single kiss and whispers “I love you” and then turns to go defend us all.

Men and women all around me are being thrown to the ground. Horses and swords spearing them down. I am crying but i know that i must keep my spirits up for Rayne. There is a little girl child crying on the field, a horseman rides towards her. I run as fast as my feet allow and grab her, darting off to get my things from the tent. The moment i sprint into the tent, i hear men’s voices chiding me, teasing me with threats of death. The tents walls suddenly collapse and i bury the girl and myself in the cape and yell “Stop, in the name that is holy and good, please stop. We are your sisters and brothers and have done no harm. Why do you want to harm us in this way? For the love of the Goddess and the God. Please let us be.”

I hold my breath, waiting to be slain. The silent sobs of the girl drip into my dress. But no swords fall, no feet trample us to the ground. There is nothing but silence. The thunder and the rain and the wind have gone. There are no more screams. Nothing. I hold my breath as i grab onto the little girl harder. Five minutes pass and i slowly move us out of the fallen tent.

The sun shines once again, and all around me i see slain bodies. Not all of them are of the community. Some of them are the bodies of the men who were sent to destroy us, cut into by their own swords. I gasp, looking around for signs of survivors, but knowing that if anyone survived they would have run back to their homes and be headed for new lands. I hold the little girl in my arms. She is light and is no longer crying. I silently comb the field for signs of Rayne’s body. I dare not warn any more attacks my way. After awhile of looking and i do not see his body, i take the girl back to her house, guided by her words softly spoken into my ears. Luckily, we arrive to find her father, still alive packing necessities. He knows nothing of Rayne’s disappearance but is grateful for the return of Elondra, his daughter. His wife was not slain today, she was one of the peoples held hostage in the village. He thanks me profusely and he and his daughter escort me back to the cave.

The cave is dark, the fire having burnt out a long time ago. I promise the man i will be okay and that he should join the others in finding a new home. I tell him i will stay put and wait for Rayne to return. I smile an assurance that i will be fine. I tell him that i shall find them, in three days, if Rayne does not return. He leaves and the darkness of the cave envelops me. I start crying. Three days pass and there is no sign of Rayne. I am cold and hungry, fearful of leaving the cave in case Rayne returns. The tears stream down my face again and I know that i must leave soon, to join the others.

Carefully, i make my way to the altar room. I arrive there and fumble for items carefully placed and known by heart. I sit before the altar table beautifully carved by Rayne, and hold back tears. This is the last time i shall cast circle here and greet the Goddess in our way. I light a single candle and raise my arms to the Goddess. And cast a circle around me with my hands.

“Fire, water, wind, stone. Be here now. Please protect and guide Rayne back to me. Whether he has fallen into your hands now or is hovering between worlds in some dark cell, please give him the courage to fight this out. And give him my love as i am his bride. I wish he could see me and our daughter grow strong to carry forth his message to everyone. To keep the memory alive. I shall never forget him and will devote my days to the community and children, teaching them as i have been taught. Fire, water, wind, stone. So Mote It Be.”

My hands drop to my sides and i grab the athame sitting besides me. Pushing the candle to the furthest left corner of the table i begin writing an inscription into the wood. A map, that if Rayne does find his way back to our home, he knows how to find me. I blow the candle out as i drop the circle and walk out of the cave. ]]> http://www.shadesofmaybe.com/chapter-18/feed/ 0 http://www.shadesofmaybe.com/chapter-17/ http://www.shadesofmaybe.com/chapter-17/#comments Tue, 13 May 2003 21:06:38 +0000 innowen http://www.shadesofmaybe.com/wordpress/?p=93 Sam grabs our coats and my purse and keys. “I will tell you everything i saw at dinner. Come on, let us go out and get something to eat.”

We leave the studio and head outside. The darkness of the evening sky has made everything quite cold. Still feeling a bit dazed, i look up at the moon as i pull the jacket closer around me. Sam opens the car door for me even. And we are off. Inside the car, she turns off the music and sits in silence. I can tell she is deeply concerned for me because she never drives without music unless something has upset her or really pissed her off. I continue to stare out at the moon, listening to my stomach growl.

We arrive at Roxy’s. It is a local coffeehouse dive that caters to the underground goth crowd. With it being Sunday there is not a whole lot of activity going on there. It is the perfect place for us to chat about what just happened. The door rings as we enter. B-rated movie posters plaster the walls, there are Barbie dolls sitting unopened in their boxes, and plates hanging scattered. The walls have been painted black, and the tall booths with their church-like pew quality set off the funky atmosphere. A jukebox playing the best alternative and industrial hits sits glowing bright blue on the back wall, above it a thorn-wreathed Jesus dangles approvingly. A few strangers sit at the bar, eating their food, hardly looking up as we walk in. Which is good, as we want to be left alone.

Since business is slow the sign at the entrance reads, “Please seat yourself” so we wander over to a booth for maximum privacy. I slide into my seat and take my coat off, keeping in tucked behind me. A green light hanging on the wall illuminates the menus. Sam grabs two menus and hands one to me. We continue to sit in silence as we make our orders. I get a veggie burger with a side order of fries and Sam orders a salad. The waitress, complete with nose piercing, nods as she takes our orders. We get water and that is all.

Sam sits back in her seat, stirring her water with a straw. She stares at me. She opens her mouth like she is going to say something and then closes it. She cocks her head, leans forward and says, “Okay. I have only heard about things that happen like they just did at your place. I have never seen that firsthand.”

“Sam, if you do not tell me what the heck you are talking about, I’m going to smack you. What did i do?” I feel frustrated, she is not telling me what happened.

“Okay, let me know if i lose you anywhere. First, that was some powerful spell. Probably the best I have ever seen done by a neophyte. Secondly, when one brings up that much power and energy, it is not entirely from you. I mean, no one can really withstand that much energy, and i think that the ancestors you called upon were there helping you and guiding you. Filling you with their energy. I am surprised you were able to handle that as well as you did. However, I am afraid at the powerful result of the spell. I want to prepare you for what may come.”

I stare at her, my mind feverishly trying to grasp and understand all that she says. Our dinner orders come and i tackle mine with unholy abandon. I am starved. Seeing how hungry i am, Sam continues.

“Has Donovan talked to you about the Abyss Walk? Or have you had a chance to read up on any of that?”

“Um, no. I have never heard that sort of terminology before. What is it and what will it do to me? Is this going to be painful?” I blurt out in-between bites of my dinner. I gulp it down ready to hear what Sam says.

“Heh, okay. Drat, I was hoping that he could at least introduce you into some of that. But i guess it is not going to happen anytime soon. So yeah, an Abyss Walk is a spiritual awakening, a journey that you take either in your dreams or in a waking state that will unblock and clear up your energies. It is pretty customary when things feel at their worst and like nothing is going right to go on an Abyss Walk to figure out what is bothering you and how to clear it all up. I think that part of the answers you will receive from the spell working will come in the form of an Abyss Walk. No one really knows when or where one will hit but i am sure that when it does happen, you will need to be prepared. Ground and center and know that you can over come the block or the event. The only way for you to really learn and understand what all this stuff means is if you walk down into the darkness and what is unknown and pull it out and make it known. Does this make any sense?”

“It sort of does. So this will not really hurt me? It will help me learn what is going on with the dreams and the Book?” I question.

“Yes, and no. It will be a painful process and you may find yourself crying or getting very afraid. But once it is over you will experience a sense of floating, of being more connected to the world and whom you are when you are done. And yes, it will guide you into knowing the answers you seek.”

We chat a bit more about books i should read and other witchy type stuff. I realize that all this is happening way to fast and that i have a lot more to learn. Sam’s tarot deck intrigued me as did the stones and how to use them. I have never felt that much power and force behind me in my entire life. Although it was a bit draining and confusing after having used it all, in a strange way it excited me. It was like i was Eve in the Garden of Eden after having my first bite of the forbidden fruit. The knowledge was good and i wanted more. Sam gives me a few good titles of books to read up on and also tells me her favorite web sites to surf for good information.

“Just remember, you do not have to take all this as the Law and at face value. Let your intuition guide you in what stuff you want to use and incorporate into your own personal Book of Shadows and what stuff does not work for you. Learning majick and grasping all these concepts is hard work and you do need to practice what you want to do, to get better at it. That is why i call it a tool, it is a system of belief but it also provides us with the means to get things and make ourselves into the people we want to be.”

Sam pays for dinner. I thank her and try and pay her back but she will not let me. “When you get out of school and start writing and earning a living, then you can pay me back. Who knows, i may need some help down at the Wishpering Shadows and i may be able to get you hired on. How does that sound?”

“That would be cool. Would your manager be willing to work a schedule around my classes?”

Sam smiles at me. “I think that might be doable. Okay, it is about eight o’clock and i know you have some homework to finish up, so lets go.”

We head outside waving good-bye to the waitress. She starts her car, and warms it up. “Brrrr Chilly,” she says dramatically. I giggle and agree. “Yes it has been unseasonably cold here this year.” We talk about how little rain we have gotten and what effect that may have on our spring and the water conditions. Once the car is heated up, the music gets turned on and we head Sam has a mixed goth tape in the player. The slow strings and melodic guitar of the Cure stream from the speakers. My head bobs and dances to the song and in my mind i see an image of me dancing with ribbons to the melody. It has been awhile since Sam and i went dancing.

“Hey Sam, if you are not busy next Friday or Saturday, you wanna go out dancing and tease the goth boys?” I ask.

“I would love that. It has been a long time since we went out clubbing together. I have missed it.”

Sam stops the car and before leaving it i reach over and give her a big long hug. “Thanks again for everything, and showing me how to do a spell. If anything happens you will be the first to know.”

“I hope so. I hope you do not mind that i am not coming back up with you? I have some stuff of my own i need to do. Take care and if you do need anything, please call me.”

“I totally understand,” I say as i start closing the door, “It is probably best that you do not come up as you and i would stay up way to late and i really do need to get that paper finished before tomorrow. Midterms are coming up. You remember how that goes.”

I lock her car door and wave as i start walking towards my building. Sisters of Mercy begins to play as she drives off. I wander slowly back up to my studio, my body worn out from all the running around and majickal energy spent this weekend. Mosi is back at the door as i walk in.

I pet her, wander over to her food dish and refill it and her water bowl. “You have been such a patient kitty with me all weekend,” I say. “Okay, i promise no more going out tonight. i have a lot of homework and studying to do. And of course this means cuddle time for you.”

Mosi gives me a soft meow and darts over to her food bowl for her dinner. I retrieve my laptop from behind the chair and grab my notes for the paper i was writing. I place everything on the floor next to my bed. Then i straighten the bed out, propping the pillows up and getting ready to hunker down and study. With everything perfect i crawl into the bed. Place my notes on one side of me and drag the laptop onto my lap. I turn the computer on and it greets me with a chime. Rereading what i wrote earlier i begin to work on the last bit of my paper. The only sounds are of me turning the pages in my notebook and the clicking of my fingers as they dance across the keyboard. The computer grows warm across my lap and the softness of the pillows behind me become very comfortable. The sound and the repetition lure me into a trance-like state and i begin to lose all track of time.

I continue typing on my computer. The keys begin morphing into an alphabet and language i do not recognize. However, i am comfortable writing in this format. The words, still in english, appear on the screen.

“I call upon the guardians of the watchtowers of the east. Those of intellect, wisdom and knowledge. Guide me into the past, show me what i need to see. Be here now.

I call upon the guardians of the watchtowers of the south. Beings of fire, creativity and the blood of the world. Guide me with courage to that which i need to do to heal the past and open myself to sights unseen. Be here now.

I call upon the guardians of the watchtowers of the west. The keepers of the waters of the world, emotions and the unknown. Guide me with patience and love to that what i need to say to heal the past and open the conduit to me and the universe. Be here now.

I call upon the guardians of the watchtowers of the North. The bringers of life, the roots of stability. Guide me by keeping me grounded and keeping me levelheaded as i take this journey into the Book, of Rayne and Aurora. Guide me swiftly and safely so i can make the truth of our worlds be seen. Be here now.

I call upon my Guardian Spirit, of Loki and myself. The keeper of the eternal faith and connection between me and my divinity. Guide me as a whole into this world. Let me not judge or be judged but observe and heal. Be here now.”

The last keystroke types and my apartment, my world fades away. The walls are gone. Replaced with a lush forest of pines and ivy and aspen. The bed i sit on is gone. Replaced with the soft ground of underbrush and moss. The night sky with the moon illuminating my studio is gone. Replaced with the warm, clear sunny day. My purring companion Mosi is gone. Replaced with the sounds of laughter and the vision of children with wings running through the fields trailing bright and colorful ribbons behind them. My computer is gone. Replaced by a book and quill in my lap.

The words come easily for me, as i write my paper on Mayan Calendars and the occult related ideas that come from it. I barely notice that it is getting dark out. I barely notice how Mosi is still curled up on my bed sleeping. I do however, notice, after the second ring, that someone is calling me on the phone. I save my essay and go to grab it. It is Sam.

“Heya Sam,” I begin.

“I thought you were going to call me,” she begins. “I have been waiting here all day waiting on you. There are a few things i wanted to show you. Can we get together tonight?”

I stare down at my paper for a second, since it is being written fairly easy, i decide that spending a little time with Sam would do me good. I enjoy her company, and even if we never solve this puzzle of the Book of Shadows and how it fits into my life, I am glad that it has brought us closer together in friendship again.

“Sure, but you have to come over here to show me. I have my head down in this paper and i want to get it done before class on Tuesday.”

“Okay, sure. I’ll be bringing some stuff with me. Do you have any candle holders that are not being used?”

I look around the room, and think to what i have in my cabinets, “Um, maybe. How many do you need?”

“Five of them. At the very least, two.”

“I may be able to accommodate that request. At the very least the minimum portion of it,” I reply curious as to what Sam is going to be doing over here. “What time were you thinking about visiting?”

Sam pauses, “Well i have a few more things to get, but i can be over in about an hour. Is that still okay?”

“Sure, I will be here. Writing away on this paper. Who knows, maybe if we have some time you can look it over for me and see what you think of it?”

“Sounds good to me. See you in a bit, dahling. Chau.”

I snicker into the static of the phone. Sam has always been a character. I return back to my paper and continue working on it until Sam arrives. And as promised, the door buzzer goes off about a hour later. seeing that i am steeped into writing, i jump at the sound of it. Quickly i save my work, drop the lid of the laptop down and rush to the door to let her in and open it.

Sam enters the room. She goes over to the table and sets a grocery bag of stuff down on the table and gives me a hug.

“Okay, where are those candle holders i asked you about,” she begins.

“Check the third cabinet in the kitchen, and i will see if i have left any in the night stand. If anything i can pull out some of the candles that are in use and free up a few holders. So, what is all this for anyway?”

Sam calls out as she rustles around in my cabinet drawers. “Well, i thought since you have never really actively done any spell work or rituals that maybe we could perform a short ritual or do a spell to show you what you can do with them and how they are outlined.”

“Sure. Yeah, that sounds great.” I think back to what Loki said to me in regards to learning and doing and how that one must do in order to really consider themselves as following the path. “So Sam, what is the difference between a spell and a ritual? From what i have seen in most new age books the two of them are the same thing really.”

Sam walks back over to the table with the two candleholders and smiles. “Good question. Before i begin i just want to say that definitions of this nature tend to be very subjective. What one person might think as Spell working another would define as being apart of ritual workings. With that said, i define a spell as a single, personal request that you do for yourself. The people involved generally can be yourself but you can invite others into it if you need their assistance or witness. The energy contained in this spell is very concentrated and focused, acting on one specific goal or change. Rituals, as i see them, also contain focus and specific energy but they also allow for more open ways for everyone in the circle to celebrate their chosen deities as they see fit. They are used as a celebration, a way of drawing people together on specific holidays or dates and to come together as a community to help the world out. Spells and rituals do contain elements in their structure that are similar in style. They are very personal and emotion creations, you get out of them what you place into them. They do not necessarily require all this physical stuff but using this physical stuff does show your personality and help you in believing what you are doing and helps to remind you of what goals you do want to attain.”

I nod. “Okay, so what are we going to do tonight, a ritual or a spell?” I ask.

“I think we should probably do a spell. I think that what we need here is a spell that will both protect you as you delve deeper into the Book and of enlightenment to guide your psyche and dreams into giving you the answers you need to do to bring resolution between you and your dream and how it intertwines with the Book of Shadows that you have found. What do you think?”

“I like that idea. Okay, so show me what we need to do.”

Sam continues to take out items of stuff from the bags. “Typically the first thing one does before doing a ritual or spell is to identify exactly what you want to achieve. This goal is important because without it, your energy may not work as well or it may bring you an outcome that you did not want. So, with what we are doing here we need to know what the outcome is that you want to see. So tell me what do you think we want to have happen as a result of this?”

I sit in a chair and think. What do i really want to know? What do i really want as an outcome? Is there actually an ending to this? I look at all the things Sam has with her. There are candles, stones, a bundle of branches tied together, a velvet bag containing stuff in it, a cup, some salt she brought over from the kitchen. All this stuff is quite interesting, but i cannot see how it all comes together to help give me what i need.

“Well, i guess what i need is to know who wrote that book and how this effects me and my life. How does the two fit together?”

“Okay. That is a good question. So now that we have our outcome in mind, wanting the answer to this question. Now we compose the spell by using all this stuff i have with me and other things you have at home to create the ambiance and mood of the spell. These things will help you focus your question and put the emotional response you want into a physical form. So i guess now we select stuff that you think will help you focus you emotions and energies into getting the outcome you want. So I am going to go change some music and you select what you think will help send your message up to the Goddess and the universe.”

Sam wanders over to my stereo and draws out the binder of CDs i have. I sit and continue staring at the odd assortment of stuff she has placed on the table. I close my eyes and think about what i can use here that will help me get what i want. Resolution, i need to know what that book means. I reach out and grab a blue and purple candle. I have always felt that blue helps emotions and that purple is an imaginative color. I think these will help me the most in discovering what i need. The Book mentioned herbs and sage and i reach my hand over to pick up the bundle of sticks tied together. I bend over to smell it and it smells of Sage. I quickly add this bundle next to the two candles. I paw my way over and through the collection of stones Sam brought with her. I select two of them. One is black, the other is a funky combination of browns and blacks that when tilted towards and away from the light they morpheme and blended into each other. I really was drawn into this stone so i also set them aside.

The one thing i felt was missing from this batch of items was incense. “Hey, Sam. Can we use some incense in this spell?”

Sam calls out as she continues to rifle through the binder not even looking at me, “Sure. Actually that is a wonderful idea. Do you have some?”

“Yes,” i say and i get up to grab my incense burner and some lavender incense. i rarely use that flavor of incense as it is very strong to my nose but i do like it and how it seems to draw me into an imaginative state. I add the burner and the incense stick to the pile. The last thing that draws my eye is to the velvet pouch sitting near the end of the table.

“So Sam, what is in this bag?”

She finally looks up at me and smiles. “Give me a second and i will show you. I just want to put this CD in to your stereo.” She stands up and goes over to the stereo system. Then she wanders back over to the table. She picks up the velvet case lovingly and removes a stack of cards. The backsides are black with a Celtic design woven into them. She then hands them to me to look through them.

“These are tarot cards. Most people divine answers and give advice about things to others. I also use my deck, or this deck, in spells and rituals because to me this is a great focus for working majick and making things change. There are even books out there that describe how to use them in spells and rituals. Go ahead and flip through the cards, look at the images and see if any of them strike you as wanting to be placed in this spell.”

I turn the deck over and start flipping through the cards. There are four suites printed on them. One has swords, another is of wands with flames and stuff on them, a third has coins with pentagrams, and the last suite had cups on it. There were about twenty-two cards with bold numbers on them, and these seemed to not be associated with any suite. There were images of suns and moons and people and animals. The first card i immediately saw that i liked had a colorful clown with a pack of stuff thrown over his back and a dog at his feet on it. I pulled it out from the deck and set it aside with the rest of the items. Not all the cards seemed to contain nice images, i flipped past some dark images of people crying and a tower that had been exploded and people and paper falling out of it. I shuck my head. I did not like what these images stirred in me. I added one more card to the pile. This had a simple image of nine coins being dropped down from above and into a painting. So it too when into the pile of stuff. I then set the remaining tarot cards back on their velvet pack and looked up at Sam.

“Okay, I think i have everything. So what is next?”

Sam puts most of the stuff we do not use back in the bag, but i notice she keeps the salt and the cup out. She then takes the things we are keeping and lays them out so we can see them better.

“Okay. First I want to tell you about the things you have laid out here. Starting with the stones, the black one you have selected is called obsidian; it helps in protecting you or an area from negative and harmful energies. It also helps to drag hidden thoughts and emotions up to the surface for you to face and work through them. The other stone is called Tiger’s Eye. It promotes creativity and is also good for helping people attain their goals with flying colors. I have also heard that this stone can aid people with heart problems. I think it is great that you naturally selected these two stones for this spell as they will definitely help you in achieving the goal. Of course these are but my opinions of the stones mean, there are a lot of books out there that have more explanations as to what they mean and where they got these meanings from.”

She points to the sage bundle. “This is a smudge stick, and although i did not really think that it would be used in the spell. Typically sage is a good cleansing herb and to bundle it up like this is a good way to use the smoke as a cleansing agent. You will see lots of people use this to cleanse their home and the circle and people in the circle before a ritual. So we will use it to cleanse ourselves of negative thoughts and emotions and help wash anything we do not want in this spell away from us and then we will keep it inside the spell as we work through it.

“Okay, the salt and the cup are also used for similar reasons. Salt helps to keep things outside of a circle and it is one of the ways i cast a circle when i am doing spells and rituals that call upon drawing heavy emotions or past thoughts to me. Usually it is mixed in with water and sprinkled around you, however i think we will use this to sprinkle a circle around your bed so that when you dream you will be protected by things as well as be able to keep the memory of it so you can work on it later.”

“The last two things you have here, besides the incense, are the two tarot cards you chose.” Sam points to the one with the clown figure on it. “This one, is the Fool card. Typically in readings it means new beginnings and things for you to work on. It is an excellent thing to see and have in a spell of this nature because it shows that you are willing to take the initiative to solve your problems and see things in a new light. Also, Fools are known to jump off a cliff and see where the world and faith can take you.”

That last bit caught me off guard. I had not told Sam about my dream last night. And i was sure she did not discuss me or anything with Donovan.

“What makes you say that?” I asked. “Did you talk to Donovan today?”

Sam sensed something was up, since i appeared rather agitated. “No, i have not spoken to Donovan since i saw him at the Wishpering Shadows yesterday. Why?”

I take a deep breath and begin telling Sam about the dream, about meeting Loki and how i jumped off that cliff and what i felt after it. I also tell her about having breakfast with Donovan today and all the stuff he and i talked about. She watches me with interest and nods her head. When i am done she smiles and says, “Whoa. That is great. Seems like you are being helped by some of the best helpers out there. Now i see how this card connects to you more. Your leap of faith in your dream and what we are about to do here with this spell sets the final stage i think. I think that whatever the outcome of what we do here will give you that final answer you want about the Book. Especially when connected to this other card here.”

Sam points to that card, continuing on with what we are going to do with these symbols and items on the table. “This card is the nine of coins. It denotes dreams coming to realities. With all those coins dropping from the sky it shows that we can manifest what we want, when we need it, from our dreams. Again, with all your dreams and the information you have read in the book, i think this card is more than appropriate in symbolizing what information you want. However, i think we are missing one more thing for the spell to really take a great effect.”

I look over all the items, not really knowing what we are doing i am not sure what Sam is hinting at. She begins to set up the blue and purple candles into the holders. I get a thought in my head and start moving my eyes around my room. The pile of stuff i took out of my bag earlier sits by the shoji screen. I walk over to it and retrieve the folded paper with the image that Sam printed out of Rayne and His Queen. I open the paper, look at the image once more and head back to the table.

“Here, i think this needs to be placed into it as well.” I add the folded up paper onto the table. Sam nods in agreement.

“Okay then we are ready. I will give you a brief overview of what the outline of a spell goes, or as i do them and then with a little bit more stuff, we are ready to start. Typically the first thing one does is prepare themselves for the spell. We ground out and cleanse our minds and bodies to get us into a working headspace to be able to focus and create all this change. Then we set everything needed for the spell up, and this includes getting all the tools we need like lighters and things near us so that when we cast that circle we do not need to bring it down as we have forgotten the lighter to light the candles or incense with. Then we cast a circle around us to contain the energies and things we are bringing to ourselves. We also call out any particular deities or elements that we want to have help us with our goal. I think it may be a good idea for you to call upon Rayne and his bride, themselves, as well as Loki since they may seem to be key figures in your dreams. Then we say a few carefully chosen words requesting what we want to have happen and how we want it to manifest itself so that we know it has worked. At this time we raise as much energy into what we want and focus it into the items we have on the table. And then we release it and send it out to the universe and to the deities we called upon. And finally, we thank the elements and people we asked to help us with this working. The circle comes down and we center and ground out any remaining energies we do not want staying with us.”

“Sounds fairly straight forward,” i say. “You said that at one point in all this i need to say something. But what do i say? Does it need to be a poem or what?” Doubt begins to fill my body and i start getting really nervous.

Sensing how nervous i have become Sam tries to calm me down, “Kendra, anything you say, however you want to word it will work. Some people prefer to sing things or make it all rhyme but i say do what comes naturally to you. It is not necessarily the words that you say but the feeling and the emotions behind them. You get out what you put into this remember? So if you are true to yourself and keep the energy up to match it, your spells will get heard. Do not be afraid to ask the universe for what you want. Remember the fool card. Take that leap of faith and let us see what we can solve this mystery using a little bit of majick.”

We smile at each other and i feel a little bit more relaxed. “Okay, you said the first thing to do is to get grounded and smudged. So smudge away,” I tell her.

We giggle at that thought and she grabs the smudge stick and lights one end of it. As i set about arranging the items to work into the spell, she walks around the room holding and waving the smudge stick around. Mosi shifts her weight from the bed and sniffs the air. I cannot tell if she is repulsed or drawn to it. I hear her whispering things about banishing stuff that we do not want and figure i will ask her about what she is saying later. After she addresses each direction, she takes the smudge stick and draws a pentagram with a circle around it. I guess this is her way of keeping what she does not want out of her working space. The circled pentagram acts as a seal.

She walks over to me and gets me to stick my arms out. I close my eyes inhaling the sweet scent of sage into my nostrils. She starts at the top of my head and waves the stick in a circle above me and then waves it down my front to my feet. She then walks around me and starting at the bottom she does the same thing until she gets to the top of my head.

“I need you to smudge me,” she says, holding the stick out towards me.

I grab hold of it and mimicking what she just did with me, i cleanse her off. When i am done, i give her back the stick. She places it burning side down in the cup with water.

“Now we need to ground ourselves to the earth. Do you know how to do that?” Sam says.

“Yes, i believe the book taught me a little bit of doing that. Let me tell you about what i think this is done. I push my being down into the ground, sorta imagining i am a tree and i have roots. And i sent these roots down as far as they will go into the earth. I hold them there and then draw the earth’s energy through it through me, so that i am connected to the earth and drawing more energy from it as i need it. Does that sound right?”

“Hey that is pretty good. You are learning this majick stuff pretty quickly. Okay, I say we ground and then get this circle up.”

I go through the meditation, feeling myself drop down into the ground. I feel warm and sluggish and very stable, as nothing will happen to me. I push as far as i can go, and then i stop as i feel i cannot push anymore. I relax and allow the energy from the earth climb up my imagined roots and into my body. I feel alive, as if there is nothing i cannot do. I open my eyes. Sam already is waiting for me.

“Kendra, do you want to try and cast a circle or do you want me to do it?”

“No, i want to watch you do it first. So please go ahead.”

Sam nods and starts walking around the table. She leaves a two foot gap between the area she is drawing the circle and the table so we can move freely around it. She does not say anything but just points with her finger drawing an imaginary circle around us and the space we are going to do the spell in. When she is done she walks over to the table. “We are now in sacred space,” she says rather dramatically.

“Now we call upon the deities and elements you want guidance from. Since this spell is going to help benefit you the best Kendra i think you should be the one to call them forth as well as ask them for their guidance.”

I nod feeling slightly exposed. I light the candles and the incense and think about what i want to say. How do i want to call them into my life and have them help me with what i want? I am not sure. I stare back into the candle again, watching it and thinking about Loki and all that has happened to me in such a short period of time. The words start flowing out from me and i have no real idea what i have just said.

“I call upon the elements of fire and water, air and earth. Come help me learn the secrets of majick and the old ways. I call upon my guardian spirit Loki, the trickster. Help me to see things in a new light and gain the courage to see and do what i must learn. I also call upon the spirits of Rayne and his Queen. They are what has drawn me into this path and it is their mystery and their life that seems to be intertwined with my dreams. Please come and help me understand how we are related.”

Sam watches me, as she also seems to pay reverence to the powers I start calling upon. She nods and smiles at me. I think she is happy and impressed with what i am doing so far. I look at the picture of Rayne and of the tarot cards. I need to state my intention to these powers now. To bring what i need them to help me with into the spell.

“I have called you into this spell because i have questions and seek guidance. For a while now i have been dreaming of a past. A time when people are being torn from each other. It has been disturbing me for a while. And then i find this book, written by Rayne’s bride, whose name i do not know. And some of the things written in it and from when it was written seem to make sense and tie into my dream. But i fear that i will never know how it all ties in together. I ask you, please guide me, help me to discover what i need to do to find out how this all ties together and to bring rest and peace to what i may fear is a unhappy ending.”

By this time i have raised my arms high above my head. I did not even really notice i what i was doing. Sam has her head bowed and she seems to be breathing deeper than normally The room feels as if it has gotten dimmer and smaller and i am hot. I hold this position until i feel i cannot handle it anymore and then my arms drop to my side. I fall to my knees.

Sam rushes over to me. “Kendra, you okay?” She helps me stand to my feet. I am panting.

“Yes, i am fine. What happened? Is it done yet?”

She has a shocked and concerned look on her face. “Kendra, i have never seen anyone do what you have just done. Are you okay? Did you ground before we started this?”

I nod, “Yes you saw me. I grounded out a lot. Why, what did i do?”

“I think we need to close this spell up first, and then get you some food, before i start telling you anything that went on. Okay?”

“Okay, and yes food would be great. I am starving. I guess i will let you finish the spell out?”

“Yes, you just sit here and relax. I will devoke the energies we called upon and take down the circle. And then we will go out for a bit and talk about what just happened.”

Sam raises her arms and thanks the spirits and elements for attending our spell and for carrying our message out to the universe. She then walks around the table in the reverse path and takes down the circle. Once the circle is down i walk over to the bed and flop down. I am tired and very confused at what just happened. I close my eyes to try and get my bearings. Mosi walks over and sniffs me. Thinking that i am going to go to bed she curls up next to me. I pet her and she starts purring. Sam has opened the bag of salt and starts pouring a little bit of it out around my bed creating a makeshift circle.

“So, um, Sam can you tell me what just happened?” I ask.

Rocks and stones also help to shift our awareness of what is going on in the world and remind us that like them, we are a part of this world. Their energy is felt when we touch them. As i close my eyes i feel them hum in my hands and within certain areas of my body to where the stone may help solve problems that lie within me. It is this hum that tells me that the rocks contain energy and that we can use them to amplify our power and focus and help give our change and requests to the Goddess a boost. Rayne recommends that when i use the stones in my spells that i first sit down and meditate with them to see what they offer to me and what i think they may be best used for.

When i mediate with my stones i place them on my altar and surround myself in a circle to ensure that i do not release anything to change what is already currently in my world. I take a few deep breaths and place my hands over, not onto, the stone and feel it. Sometimes i get a musical hum and sometimes i feel heat from it. Either way i do this to learn what energy it has inside and how it may help me with what i want to do with it. Then i open my eyes and look at the stone. I notice what colors it has in it and how it makes me feel. Sometimes what the colors are and how they affect you can also give you clues as to the best way of using the stone. I also note its shape and hold it in my hands and really see what colors and patterns it has inside. And when i am done with examining all these things i reflect with me, and see what all that means to me. Of course what i may think how one stone should be used for Rayne and the others can give me 500 different ways more in how they see their uses.

Over the Winter holiday Rayne made me a necklace of stones, woven into a leather string. There is a piece of amethyst, used for protection and clarity of psychic thinking; white quartz for healing and drawing the earth’s energy towards me; tiger’s eye, a great creativity enhancing stone; and rose quartz for love and healing. It is the most amazing present i have ever been given and i wear it always, never letting leave my neck. It makes me feel loved and protected and fills me with a great love for who i am and the path that i have chosen to walk. And it reminds me most of Rayne and all the qualities that attracted me to him in the first place.

The same holds true for the local plants. There are some plants that can be used to help sweeten foods and help cure ailments. We call these things herbs. Like the stones of the world, herbs also contain their own energy. Most of what i know of the herbal world has been taught to me by the women in the community, like Rosemary. She knows a lot about herbs and when the weather was nice she would take me with her when she was collecting them. She pointed out all the ones that heal certain common ailments and the ones to avoid, as they are poison to the body.

I have learned how to dry and prepare herbs for use in teas and food and spells. The easiest way being to tie a string around the stem of the herb, hang it upside down in darkness until it is brittle and dry. Then we take two river stones and grind them up. They sit in pouches near our kitchen and altars and can be cooked or steeped for teas or burnt as offerings to the Goddess to help promote our wishes for changes in our world and lives. Salt, gathered from the seawater, or traded from villages, is the most important ingredient we have. It helps to purify and cleanse items and us. It can also be used to cast a circle when doing intense majick workings. Another herb widely used is called Sage. When dried and wrapped into bundles, it burns a smoke that is sweet smelling and relaxing. We also use this herb quite frequently to purify and cleanse areas and ourselves when we do our spells or rituals.

Last moon i was sick for over a period of half a moon’s passing Rayne gave me teas and foods made with a mix of healing herbs and in no time flat i felt much better. I presume that if i were home with Father and Mother right now i may still have had some lingering effects of the sickness.

What is even better is that in two month’s time, during the Midsummer Eve’s Festival, we will be handfasted in front of all our community. Rayne asked me to be his bride a moon ago and i agreed. I have never been happier. There is so much to do to prepare and we have been spending most our time in healing ourselves and getting everything in order for the day when our spirits shall merge in one in front of our family and the Goddess we serve. And as i write this i feel his love surge through me protecting and holding me close. Unfortunately, this is but the only bright spot in the world. There have been major changes going on that our outside our influence. All has not been great in the world however.

We have been told that my village grows strong with hatred. There has been talk about the men having learned about our secret community and the Priest is not happy with how we are living. I fear that they want to place an end to us all. Rosemary, one of my closest friends in the community has told us all stories about several other villages she used to live near and support with her healing arts did the same thing. She was lucky to have gotten away. Every night when Rayne and i head to bed, we pray to the Goddess that they learn compassion and love for us and our ways and even if they do not want to live as we do, to give us the freedom and ability to live our meager lives in peace with the ability to continue on as we have. I have also said a spell to the Goddess to give me protection from their eyes and hope that they have not learned of my truancy. I fear that my discovery with this clan may drive my parents and the village over the edge and they will stop at nothing to tear this life from me.

“Dear Mother, Maiden in all your glory, Please help people to gain the wisdom and understanding that we do not wish harm on others or their living. We want to live in peace and harmony with all nature and your gifts.”

I love this time of year. The blossoms are all out and the sweet perfumes of the new flowers scent the air. A full turn of the moon has gone by since i last spoke in this book. Things have gotten stranger in this world. There have been talks that people like us and our chosen way to live life are angering villages all over the valley. Already a few of the people living in the western borders of our community have been found. Their houses destroyed. They are being put on trial, for crimes they did not commit, judged with punishments that do not befit their crimes. Some of the men here, i pray that Rayne does not go with them, are going into that village tomorrow to see if they can free them.

People begin to call us names and refuse to allow us into their villages to trade our food and wares with their supplies. We have learned to adapt and fend for ourselves. After all, we are stewards of this world and the Goddess will provide for us and take care of us as we respect the gifts she has given us. It does mean that we have to work a bit harder, the men going further out to gather meats and seed to plant the gardens but we refuse to give up our ways and we do not want harm to come to anyone.

We fear the worst. But our faith in the Goddess and that everything balances out in the end will free us and keep us safe. I try not to let it get into the way, for very soon i will have my own dreams come true. For the day of Midsummer draws near. And that is the day that Rayne and i tie our spirits into one. Rosemary and i have been working nonstop to prepare everything for that day. Our little kitchen alcove in the cave hardly smells as if it has been inside a cave. A medley of herbs hang along the wall, drying. Lavender, sage, and dill all hang ready to be worked into the food and incenses we shall burn that night. Also hung near the herbs are drying flowers that will become my bouquet. Bright red roses, irises and lilies hang upside down on a purple ribbon. Beneath the strings with herbs on them, sits two barrels full of freshly brewed mead. Rayne and a few of his friends gathered the fruit from their vineyards. The smells wafting from this area are almost intoxicating, flooding memories of my childhood and the holidays where my Mother and i would prepare food for the family and community. The smells also remind me of Rayne and how we first met that day a year ago. Who would have thought that our paths were destined to be so intertwined?

As i write this, Rosemary sits by the hearth, a piece of red velvet cloth in her lap. She is sewing me the most beautiful gown to wear at the ceremony. The dress shall be worn long, with a white and orange stripe under fitting and between the velvet. The velvet has 8 holes in it, through it, the dress will be tied and cinched up around my bodice. Her daughters sit outside the cave, in the sun, and they weave flowers in and out of two wooden wreaths. These crowns of wood and ivy and flowers will be placed upon our heads, crowing us as the physical manifestations of Him and Her, the Goddess and her consort. For that one day, they will live through us. I hear laughter outside. Oh, it is just Rayne and his friends teasing the girls.

We had a visitor today. While i was sound asleep, Rayne caught 4 men lurking about the entrance to the cave. He had just gotten done saying his morning praise to the sun when they walked up him. Normally this sort of visitation does not disturb us. However, this morning they were dressed in metal armor and carried stakes with them. Apparently, the night before a group of people, mostly men, had wandered down into the village where i was born and slaughtered a few sheep from the herd. Since the few sheep the village has supports them for an entire season, the slaughter has come with repercussions. Naturally, the suspect that it is us, or one from our community.

Rayne chatted with them for a bit. They could tell that it was not us that caused the death of their flock and Rayne tried his best to convince them to stay away from the rest of our friends. They nodded their heads, gave thanks and left back down the trail they had come from. Feeling the side of the bed cool to the touch i had awaken to the men talking outside the cave. I may have recognized one of the men as the one i was to be bethroved to, but with the year having passed so quickly i cannot be certain. I hope they did not recognize me. For i fear that my discovery at being alive may bring on the worst vengeance towards the crime Rayne and i did commit against my family. The incident caused much tension and unrest the rest of the day. Rayne and i went about our chores in silence, smiling to one another occasionally. As much as we pray to the Goddess for protection and understanding we fear that this change is greater than we can affect. Even the last new moon’s ritual of Peace and Understanding seems to not have persuaded the cosmos much either.

Our handfasting day grows near, in one week’s time we shall be joined together. This small glimpse of hope is all i have left to keep me knowing that everything is as it should be. Last night we got call from Rosemary that her friend Ceddren had been arrested. He was out walking beyond dusk and the village near where they lived feared for their sheep, and since Ceddren was unknown among those people, they arrested him on the spot. He currently awaits trial. Fearful for their return and their capture, Rosemary moved out of their Tree House and wandered through the forest to our cave. She had been crying and her cheeks were stained red and cold to the touch. Her two children, with their long ashen colored hair and sullen eyes were shivering and seemed unaware of what had just happened. We brought them into the house, laid the children down to sleep in our bed and stayed awake while Rosemary told us the story of how she had been hiding in the bushes when the men came for Ceddren.

I boiled up some chamomile tea to help calm her down so she could rest and sleep peacefully. Rayne held her hand as she spoke these words. The lines of anger and worry etched across his forehead and i could tell that he wanted very much to take action against this crime. Rosemary and her two girls now stay with us. Until the Goddess provides us with a solution to harmlessly free Ceddren. She cries a lot, poor bird, and spends most of her waking time working with me on the last minute preparations. I fear the worst for Ceddren as we have not been told what is to become of him. I dare not go into the village for fear that i may be caught or spotted by another villager that may recognize me. When we awoke from hearing Rosemary’s story, i noticed that Rayne has become a bit rigid. Hard, like a stone. He seems to be taking this quite hard, as it was him that caused this unease. Whenever i place my arms around him to hold him or to give his arm a reassuring squeeze, i can see how distant his blue eyes are. i worry that it may drive a rift between us but i know he is more or less upset because of how the ways of the world are going. He has such a young mind and wishes that we all can live in harmony.

“Goddess of the night, please protect us and your children as we make this final solace in your name. Please watch over us and give those who may not understand who we are or what we do the kindness and compassion that we too, feel their pain. Let these burning times end, and let us all walk free once more. Under Your service, so Mote It be.”

The day before the handfast, Rayne and i sit together at the edge of the cliffs. We come here often. Just to sit and admire Nature and what the Goddess has given us. I love seeing the earth below me appear as a patch work quilt, with the dark green spots of the tall trees and the light green spots displaying the village farms and flock herds. The blueness of the river cuts through this scene and only adds to the beauty. Every now and then i hear the cry of a hawk or an eagle soaring above me. Comforting to hear. When we first started coming here, to sit and gaze out on the world, i used to try and spot where the bird was that was singing or crying out. Nowadays i relax into the sound continuing my vigilance. I am so lucky to live in such a beautiful land. Today it appears even more spectacular to me.

There is too much turmoil in the world at the moment and with all the tension of the villages and with the disappearance of Ceddren and a few others, this moment of peace is definitely welcomed. We live life on the edge of wondering. We wonder what is going on in the village that Ceddren is held. We wonder if he is being treated with kindness. We wonder when we will be given the news of his release. Rayne sits in silence, his mind filled with thoughts of plans. I am sure he and the others are trying to formulate a plan to get the men out there. We try and live in peace with everyone, to harm no one and yet to be treated like we are something worse than people confuses Rayne. He has never lived a the village life. He does not know why they do what they do.

Even having grown up in a similar village, i also am puzzled by the actions of these men. Usually they do not blame innocent people for things they have not done. There is usually an investigation and when the punishment usually is less than imprisonment. Even when it is as strong as hurting or killing one person’s flock. There is something new going on. A few of the others talk about strange men, wearing black robes and a white collar, preaching the words of the holy book. Having been raised under this book it seems strange to me that there would be people going around forcing those who already believe to believe in it stronger. And what of those who disbelieve? I can only imagine they become like poor Ceddren and thrown into jail, awaiting a trial.

I close my eyes and make a silent wish to the Goddess. “Goddess, give us the courage to live and walk in the ways that feel correct in our hearts. May all villages and beliefs live in harmony. For you have given us special gifts and talents that make each and every one of us unique and special. Without these differences then it would just be you and you alone. Please help those who cannot see to learn about our ways and why we want to walk this path with you and not of the cold ways of the God who would rather have us live bound to him and not walk with him.” I take a long deep breath, sending the energy forth off the cliffs and upwards towards the sun. I relax my body and allow my awareness to sink into the ground.

I lean my head on Rayne and he bowed his down to lay on mine. His head weighs heavily on my shoulder. The sun beats down upon us and i feel both it and Rayne’s warm embrace hold me. I will this moment never to pass, as it seems to be the perfect moment in my life so far. I sigh and he shifts his weight from his head, moving it into his arms and chest. I think about all the things that have gone on in the past year, how we met, the things he has taught me, the love and acceptance i have for these things he taught me and how they have helped me become someone i am proud to be. I am grateful that i am on this path with Rayne and the Goddess. I shift my weight again and ask him what was thinking and he replied to me that he was asking the Goddess for guidance and patience. I can tell he wants to do something to free Ceddren and the others but he knows that if he does it out of hate and brings harm to the villagers it may signal the end of our life and what we have wrought for ourselves. I remind him that the Goddess provides us and guides us and that she knows what is best for us.

As i repeat these words that he has used on me many an occasion while i was learning the ways of the path and how to use energy and work it to affect change he smiles down upon me. He sits up, kisses me tenderly on the lips and tells me that he loves me. It is my moments of wisdom and innocence that draws him close to me and caused his heart to grow deep with love. I return his kiss, brushing the hair that now hangs in his face out from his eyes and smile. We slip our hands together and return to our sojourn, watching out over the lands. Hoping that one day, things will return to the peaceful state they once were.

I know better though. Once things start happening and change starts occurring, it can never return back to how it once was. I think back to the decision i made to stay here with Rayne. That decision to leave my family and village, to become dead to all that i had once known, and walk out here with no knowledge of how to survive or what the future would held, is much like what is going on right now. As much as we want it, things shall never be the same again.

“Um, yes. Donovan?” I stammer quickly bringing my focus back to the phone and the reason for calling.

“Yeah, who is this,” Donovan says. Either he was up late, or he is not a morning person.

“This is Kendra, we met yesterday? You know, Samantha’s friend?’

“OH yes, sorry about that. I had a late night and was not expecting to be up at what? Wow 6:15 in the morning.”

“I know it is early and i am really sorry. I just had the most amazing dream and i really needed to tell you or Sam. Well, mostly you. Do you want me to call you back later? Let you sleep more?”

Donovan smiles over the phone, or i imagine him smiling rather, “No Kendra that is fine. Go ahead I am mostly awake so talk away.”

I tell him about the dream, in every detail that i can remember. While i speak, Donovan listens over the phone, patiently waiting for me to finish the narrative. I wander back over to the bed and sit down, continuing to tell him my story. He nods as i mention Loki, his words of wisdom, the song and how he led me off the cliff. And the view. Oh gawd, that view. And how free i felt. Silence falls over both of us when i finish. I patiently wait to hear what he has to say about all this.

A minute passes.

“Kendra, would you like to meet me for breakfast?”

“I would love that. But can you give me fifteen minutes, as i need to get ready and stuff and then again, i do not have a car so hopefully it can be a place where i can walk. Is this too much too demand this early in the day?”

“No it is not. I have a car, how about you tell me where i can pick you up and we can figure out what sounds good and what is open from there. So tell me where you live and get ready and i will probably be there in a half hour, okay?”

I give Donovan directions to my complex and give him my number in case he gets lost on his way over. We say our good byes and i hang up the phone. I giggle like a schoolgirl and bounce over to the bathroom to take a shower. The water warms me up more and feels tingly to my skin. Closing my eyes and listening to the sounds around me i hear the soft pling of each drop of water as it hits the porcelain bathtub. It is almost like a small symphony. I open my eyes again and look for individual molecules of water drops. They are round and slippery and sorta remind me of tiny miniature pearls sliding down the drainpipe. I quickly wash my hair and get out of the shower. Today seems to be one of those days that i just might not be able to get anything done because i seem to be entranced with everything and anything.

The clock’s hands have turned 15 minutes ahead. Which means i have 15 more minutes before Donovan arrives in his car. I grab the jeans off the floor and put them on. I go into the closet and grab a black sweater. It may look nice and sunny and warm outside but experience has taught me that when the weather looks as warm and summery in the fall as it does today, then it means it is very cold outside. Snow looms on the horizon. I say a few words and hope that the weather without snow can wait a bit longer before turning horrible. It would be great if it waited until after term is over. But since i cannot control the weather, it is a nice pipe dream.

I toss the Book of Shadows and a pen and paper into my backpack and get my boots on. Which to my pleasure is just enough time to get ready as the buzzer on my door rings. Donovan has arrived. I pet Mosi a quick goodbye and toss the backpack over my shoulder, grab my keys and dart out the door. The building is silent and no one seems to be awake at this hour. Donovan sits in the main lobby with his hands cupped to his mouth, waiting for me. My assumptions are correct, as he seems very cold.

“Cold out there?” I ask walking up to him.

“Yes it is. Man, what a way to wake up.” He says. Donovan walks over to me and throws his arms around me. It is as if he has not seen me in forever. We hug for a minute and i can smell the sent of incense on him. Either that or he is wearing some weird cologne. We walk outside to Donovan’s car. He wears jeans and a long-sleeved black Legendary Pink Dots t–shirt under a heavy drab green military jacket. It appears well worm and he looks rather comfy. He opens the door of his car for me. It is a light gray 1990 Toyota Camary. He has tossed his shoulder bag on the back seat and there are all sorts of cans, paper bags and trash lining the floorboards back there. Seeing that makes me smile.

“Good morning,” he says climbing into the driver’s seat. And starts the car. “So, where would you like to go for breakfast?” He pauses as his car warms up, the heater cranked up as high as it can go.

“Someplace cheep as i really should not be spending money on eating out. But i would like to go where we can at least sit down and talk for awhile,” i respond.

“Okay, what about the Blue Boy Inn. It is a nifty cafe in old town that is open only in the morning. Not too many people will be there since it is so early and i think it is a nice place where we can sit and not get interrupted for awhile.”

I nod. “Sounds great to me. Let’s go!”

Donovan backs the car out and i find myself staring off into space again. Mostly to watch the world again, in this new way. Things have calmed down a bit but the world still appears very vivid and lucid. And the song continues to play in my mind. I find it very hard not to hum it.

The streets are bare, with very few cars on it. Mostly people either going to or getting home from their late Saturday work shifts. Or they appear neatly dressed in their finest Sunday clothing and heading to church. I smile at that thought. Church has always seemed so strange to me. Even as a child and having my parents take me to listen to the sermons once every now and then. That life and past never felt right to me and it seems so far away.

Five minutes later we park in front of the Blue Boy. It stands alone surrounded by a sea of concrete parking spots. Three other cars sit next to ours in the lot. Donovan was right; it is very early in the morning. A pang of guilt washes over me as i grab my backpack and get out of the car. He walks over to be and gives me a side hug as if he felt what i was thinking and wanted to reassure me that it was all okay.

Again he opens the door for me. I blush, never really getting used to that feeling. Not many men play the chivalrous part out all the time. It is a nice feeling but one that i do not think i will ever get used to. The waitress spots us immediately and seats us at a booth located towards the back of the restaurant. No one else sits around us so we are free to chat candidly.

Donovan orders a coffee and i ask for some orange juice.

“So, in your dream you say you met Loki, right?” he starts out while looking at the menu for what he wants.

“Yes, he was dressed in some funky clothing, had a pipe and was for the most part sitting on a rock. He advised me to listen to my heart and intuition while walking down this path and re-taught me the value of faith. At least that is what i think he meant to teach me as he lead me off that cliff.”

Donovan smiles and laughs, “Yes, i agree. I think the good old man was correct in thinking that. Kendra, what do you know about spirit guides and totems?”

I think for a bit. “I do not know much about them. Only that totems are a Native American thing that is given to you to help you walk the earth and maybe learn a few things. Is there a difference between the two concepts?”

“Yes, there is.” Donovan goes to continue but the waitress comes over to serve drinks and take our food orders. He orders a vegetarian omelet and i settle on a light order of a vegetarian quesedilla.

He continues as the waitress goes to place our orders, “Okay. A spirit guide is a astral entity that may or may not be a totem. They can be an ancestor from your past, or part of the astral plane. However, in your case, i am certain that they two are the same. Loki is your guide and what he is and represents, may be your totem. Totems are usually seen as animals or other mythological beasts. Totems differ than spirit guides because they represent ideas and qualities that you have within yourself. For example, bear is a strong and compassionate totem. You can see his energy in those who heal others.”

“Interesting.” I say, “but i am not sure i follow you on how Loki can be both of these things at the same time?”

“Well, Loki seems to have chosen you as his charge. And as a spirit guide he seems to be helping you to accept this path and new life that you stumbled onto. I think before this dream you were still skeptical, and that you really were being a full and active participant in believing in majick and how you can utilize it to change your life to attain what you want to. Therefore, he needed to clear up the confusion and doubt that you felt. I believe he is your totem because of the symbolism you say surrounded him. You said he carried a pipe with Kokopelli on it, and you say he was very childlike and yet very wise. These are typically marks of a trickster figure. Like Coyote or Raven if you have read any Indian myth stories. Tricksters are wonderful and powerful totems to have but they do have their pranks and childish humor. They will give you accurate and great guidance but at the same time they operate on whim and folly and may sometimes lead you into the most bizarre situations where you may not know what to expect or learn from.”

I nod, thinking back to Loki’s antics of spinning and the childish grin on his face before leading me off the cliff. “Okay, so spirit guides and totems appear in dreams?”

“Yes, they do. But you can always call upon their energies and guidance whenever you need it. In spells or rituals. Or if you need more guidance and help, you can bring them to you in meditations and if you are strong enough and know how to properly access it, you can visit them on the astral plane. But i highly recommend you wait to do that one until you have firmly grasped the elements of majickal energies and how to ground and protect yourself first. Not all things in the astral plane are helpful. There are some nasty things there too, just as there are nasty things here on this world.”

Our breakfast arrives and we start eating. I reflect back on what Donovan has told me about spirit guides and totems and decide that i am very lucky to have a strong and powerful totem with me. However, i still fail to see how this all connects back to the Book and its author and my dream. If it even does. Donovan and i sit and chat for a bit more on other topics, like where we were born, what classes we take and so on before he takes me back home. I enjoy his company but we both agreed that with our homework and terms coming up, that we needed to spend some time on our studies. I also needed to get back to Sam about her research and I felt it was time to also read more of the Book of Shadows and see what else i could learn from it.

Donovan drops me off at the front of the building. Against his protests, i do not allow him to get out of the car. It has grown colder outside and once again the smell of snow hangs thick in the air. He takes off his seat belt and leans over the gearshift to give me a hug. Once again we embrace for a while.

“I will call you later, to see how you are doing,” Donovan suggests. “Maybe we can hook up again later to talk more.”

I smile, “Sure. I would like that a lot Donovan. Yeah, depending on how much of that paper i get done and whatnot, i think i would be totally up for going out later tonight or just hanging out and talking.”

He smiles once more at me and if i did not think anything of it, i would have thought he was asking me out on a date. My face flushes red at the thought and i wave as he drives off. The sun still shines but over the hills i can tell that the clouds are coming. I shiver with cold and quickly walk inside my building.

Mosi greets me at the door again. “You know cat, if you did not purr or meow, i would say you were more like a dog. Since you tend to act more like on anyway.”

I set the backpack down, and take out the notebook and Book of Shadows. Turning on the stereo, still playing my selection of New Age background ambiance music, i sit down in my chair and set to working on writing down some notes about all i have learned. Starting with the two dreams that fit into all this somehow. I also write down Rayne’s name and draw a line connecting it and the author of the book. from those i draw a bracket to my name. There must be a connection between it all, and i need to find out what this all means.

Remembering that i need to get in touch with Sam, i get back up and grab the phone. The phone messaging system beeps, telling me that while i was out with Donovan, someone called. I dial the messaging number and retrieve my calls. My Dad called to see how i was doing and to see if i needed more cash. Dad is great, he always seems to know when i need his help or advice. I decide to call him back soon, but first i need to know if Sam had called. There are no more messages on the machine so i erase my Dad’s message. It is about 10 a.m. I presume Sam is still home by now, as she usually stays at the clubs until they close. So i dial her number.

She picks the phone up on the third ring; i get the sense of deja vu as she answers the same way that Donovan does.

“Heya Sam, it is me, Kendra. Sorry to wake you up, but i had the most amazing dream last night and i just got back from having breakfast with Donovan. I was wondering if later we could chat about how your part of the research is going?”

“Um, sure Kendra. I am not working today but i do want to get a few more hours of sleep in before i do anything today. Can i call you back when i am more coherent? I do want to hear about the dream and your ‘date’ with Donovan.”

I giggle. “Hey now, it was not a date. He talked to be a bit about the dream and what it may have meant to me. But yes, please please please call me back later. I do want to see what else you may have found out about all this. I just cannot seem to focus on anything else and i want to resolve this before i get too far behind my studies.”

“Sure thing, Kendra dahling. Chau for now.”

The phone goes dead. I turn it off and set it besides me. Then i turn back into my spot in the Book. From what i can tell i am about half way through it.

The cool water runs to a warm temperature as i brush my teeth. The sounds of the water lull me into a dream and my mind wanders back into a time where life was simpler, like the one the author of this book describes with her life with Rayne. I dream about what it would be like to be there and living that life, a peaceful one, where i can dedicate myself to my personal pursuits and interests, while giving me all the time to learn about this new path i stumbled into. I’m not even sure what i believe yet. It all seems so strange and i seem to be wandering down something that may or may not be my true beliefs.

Face now washed, bright shiny teeth and a clean breath, i go back into the room and switch into some sweats to sleep. Maybe tonight i will not have the nightmare. Maybe this once I may have a new dream, or some guidance towards this new life and what i am supposed to do with it. Maybe, just maybe, i can dream an answer to how my nightmare dream of abandonment intertwines with this Book of Shadows. Yes, i think i would like that a lot.

I stand in front of a rocky cave. The sun shines outside and there are a few oddly shaped clouds in the sky. I say oddly shaped because one of them appears as a star and another one as a dog, that is howling at the star. Nearby there is a moon. This strikes me as odd because dogs, especially wild ones howl at the moon, not at stars.

“Weird,” i mutter to myself and then i continue to look around me. I seem to be nestled in a forest.

About fifty yards out from where i face, a cliff overhangs, displaying a gorgeous view of a path worked valley beneath me, and a stream, probably more like a river but from this angle appearing much smaller, runs through it to the right. I cannot tell which direction is which. Even with the sun above me. If this place really does exist, then i have never been there. I wander around for a bit, touching the trees, smelling a few flowers that blossom underneath the trees, and listen to the wind rustle. Occasionally i hear the cry of a hawk or an eagle. But when i lift my head back to the sky to identify where the sound comes from, there is nothing. Except for those clouds. And what appears stranger is that they are not moving. I must have been standing here for about 20 minutes and they continue to sit in the same spot. Despite all the wind i hear, and the passage of time, for the sun has moved a bit across the sky.

“Weird,” I say again, quite obvious that no one can hear me.

I playfully ponder the idea of selecting a spot on the ground, where the grass does grow a bit and sit and watch the clouds. See how long it may take them to move, if they do in fact move at all. But then i decide that may get a bit boring. After all, this is my dream.

My dream, i think to myself. But wait. i am still asleep, am i not? Um, how in the world can i be recalling and remembering my dream at the same time i am living it.

I get a bit nervous but figure that this is just another step in learning majick. So i try and calm myself down by grounding my energy into the ground as the Book of Shadows recommends and decide that I probably need to venture into the cave. As that seems to be my only option left. Besides jumping off the cliff, and i really do not want to do that.

I walk back over to the cave. The left side of the rock has moss and grass and ivy growing in and over it. The sun seems to beat down more on this side than it does the other side. The other side is cool to the touch and while there is some lichen and moss growing over it, it feels rather rough, the way mountain rock feels. The air smells clean and cool coming from inside the cave. I do smell a hint of earthiness in there but it is nothing that is to damp or antique. I peer inside and can see about ten feet before the darkness envelops the cave’s insides.

I place my right hand along the rock, allowing it to guide me as i carefully stretch my feet out before me so that i may not trip over any other rocks or tree branches or roots growing along side the path. To my surprise i feel nothing. Even the side of the rock becomes smoother as i go deeper into the cave. I also feel as if i am on flat ground, the cave does not seem to slope down or wander into an incline. It becomes very dark, but i am not afraid. There seems to be no hint or element of horribleness awaiting my final destination, wherever that may be.

“‘I wish i had a light with me. Either fire or a flashlight,” i call out in the darkness.

All of a sudden, a light begins to grow. Small and dim and focused at a point at first, but then grows larger and fuzzier and it seems to hover near me. I stop moving and the light remains positioned where it is. When i take a step backwards, it approaches me and then stops when i stop. When i take a step forward, it moves away from me and stops. I presume, that this thing was of my creation or sent here to guide me into the dark. I let go of the smooth wall and walk forward, the strange blue-white light highlighting the obstacles in my way for me.

Time progresses, or so i think. How does one tell if time moves forward when they are in a cave? Or in a dream for that matter? I wonder if there is any way i can dream myself out of this and into something more linear. Perhaps a futuristic dream where i graduated received my research job with the University’s archeological department and am now enjoying some time off and relaxing on a beach on the island of Kauai.

“Now why on Earth would you want to dream something that boring?” a masculine voice teases me from the dark.

I jump back a bit, not being able to see what it is around me. Maybe this was not such a good idea to have wandered into this cave in the first place. Or into this dream. Perhaps this dream is another nightmare, an extension of that other one.

“Do not be afraid little one,” the voice calls out. “Just give me a moment and i will show myself to you. Now where did I? Oh yes, here it is.” The voice trails off and suddenly a great fire erupts from the wall across from me. The blue-white light still hovers, however it wanders over to a rock that sits like a chair a foot or two from the fiery hearth. Materializing from the air, a figure appears. He sits cross-legged on the rock. His clothing, if you can call it clothing, hangs from his body like loose skin. He wears a hat shaped like a mushroom colored greenish and brown, wears round, wooden glasses (no glass appears to be seated inside the frames) and has a bit of a scruffy beard and whiskers on his face and chin. The color of his clothing matches his mushroom hat, and some strings dangle like fringe from his shirt. But the strings do not appear as strings but rather limp tree branches or hair. His feet are bigger than normal and are bare. I can see calluses on the bottoms of his feet from where years of walking have given him a built-in shoe soles.

Seeing the blue-white light dance before him, he stretches out an arm to call it into his palm. The light hovers into his hand then winks out. It does not disappear as it appeared but winks. I gasp and watch this scene in wild curiosity.

He smiles at me and purses his lips and says, “Hello Kendra. I have been waiting for you. Thanks for finding your way here. For a second i was afraid that you had gotten lost.”

“Um, hello,” I say. “I do not, um, remember creating you and i know you definitely do not exist anywhere in my reality.”

“Ah, this is good. You recognize this as a dream. Yes, that is progress,” the stranger’s smile deepens.

“Excuse me, just what do you mean by that and do i not get the privilege of knowing your name?” I wave at him, slightly annoyed with these games. Where is this dream going?

“Oh sorry, i guess you have not realized my name or my purpose yet. Well there is always something new to learn.” He pauses. Stands and bows. “Let me introduce myself, my dearest Kendra. I am called Loki. Actually, you summoned me. You asked for help, and well, here i am. Of course this is the easiest way my kind can chat with your kind. So i guess we should begin.”

He sits back down on the stone. His eyes gaze deep into mine. They seem to taunt me, tease me. My face turns bright red. And i am unable to speak.

“Um, er,” is all i manage to get out as my mind spins for rationality, grasping for something somewhat intelligible to say to him. So many questions flutter through my head but i just cannot seem to get the words spoken. All the while Loki sits on his rock, his elbows resting on his knees and his fingers rolled into fists, his head resting on them.

“This silence is mighty fine for meditation but it is not going to get us anywhere very fast. I guess you might want me to begin?” Loki suggests.

I sit down over by the fire and gaze into it. “I guess i am unsure where to begin, or what all this is going to accomplish?”

“Hmmm… i see. You are scared and curious. But more or less confused about where all this can take you, am i correct?”

“Yes. I mean this seems so fast and so weird and i am not sure i totally believe or want to believe in all this yet. And yes it seems so whirlwind confusing.”

Loki hops down from his perch and spin-sits next to me. “I hear you. But you know, like the beginning of anything new there is a bit of doubt and confusion mixed into the excitement. Have you ever fallen in love?”

I nod.

“Well having faith in something like this and as consciously changing in this is like falling in love. You meet that one person and get this feeling, you know that they are the one. Where every word that is said, every action and every touch and hug that guy does to you screams something special. But at the same time your brain begins to scream things like it is too soon, what if this is all a plot, etcetera. You dig?”

Again i nod. I have had this happen to me many times over. Just when i think i have found Mr. Right something inside me pushes them away and i leave, not willing to risk it all when i know very well that it will all end in tears.

Loki continues, “Well, once you discover that the world is larger than yourself and that it contains things in it that you may never have considered before this event can appear very much in the same way that you view a new and whirlwind love. Either you can accept it and fall off the cliff, learning and exploring the possibility that this is the right path for you or you can reject it and move on when something else becomes right for you. Obviously, you are curious enough to know how this can help you out and how this book you found is thrown into what you are and dream. Therefore i would have to say that you have decided to chase me down this rabbit hole and see where it leads you.”

I smirk at the thought of Loki using my childhood favorite like that against me. When i was little i was always peering into smallish holes hoping that the white rabbit may one day take me away from my world and toss me into something more interesting and exciting. Somewhere that contained magic and dreams and possibilities. Somewhere along the way, in growing up, i had forgotten all of that. It was nice to see my mind digging up that happy past.

“Then why are you having such a hard time believing in that this all exists?” Loki questions.

I turn to face Loki, for the first time. “I dunno. I am not sure that this is for me. Maybe even thought i want to believe in majick and that dreams and things in my life have the power to be changed, a bit of me says that i do not have the time for this and that i should focus on my studies, get a good and stable job and get married. You know, mate spawn and die?”

“Ah i see. You are afraid at what the connection may hold for you. I take it you have never felt totally connected to your surroundings and to your family. You have felt different, for as long as you could remember, right?”

Again i nod. Loki seems to be going a good job of illuminating the things that create the confusion and discord in my mind. And i am tempted just to lay it out for me.

“Do you know why i am here? Or who i am?” Loki teases me. I am sure he can read my mind at this point. Which is no fair because i really do not how to answer him at this point.

“Um, well, i presume you are from something i must have read in the past. And you told me when you introduced yourself to me that you were here to help and guide me.” I lamely reply.

Now it is his turn to nod.

I close my eyes and try and dig deeper, “Let me see here. If i remember correctly. Loki is the Norse trickster god. Sorta of a foolish one who follows his gut and does not really rationalize things. Am i correct?”

At the sound of this Loki stands up, fear swells inside me as i think i may have offended him. Fear turns to relief when he rears his head back and laughs loud. “Very good. I accept that description. So, shall we continue on with this thing before our time runs out?”

“Okay, i suppose. You mean there is more to this than just chatting?”

“Um, yeah. I need to help you continue learning as well. After all, what is a guardian and spirit guide and a good and powerful one at that if i do not help you on this path. So tell me, what have you been doing with this?”

“What do you mean doing? You mean reading and talking, right?”

“Well, sort of. But no. Majick and energy work and spells and stuff takes work. This is not like what you normally consider a religious practice. It is much more than that. Some people think that this is much more than cookie cutter religions; this is part of their life. It is their perception of how they see the world and how they define themselves in their world, as they want to create it. So tell me, what things have you been doing to get your energy and focus grows stronger. What have you been reading and applying to what you already know?”

“Well,” I start sheepishly.” For the most part all i have been doing is reading that book i found. And talking to Sam and her friend Donovan. Whom i just met today. So i guess in all actuality, nothing. I do not know where to start or if this is the right thing for me to do.”

“Hmm. i see. That is quite a dilemma you have there. Tell me, do you listen to your mind or your intuition when you act upon things of great importance to you? When you took the book from the library, i know you were not thinking with your mind. No, that was intuition telling you that you needed to have the book, that it contained something you needed to learn from. How is learning majick any different than making a simple decision like that? When you feel the surge and excitement and open yourself and your feelings and intuition to the world around you that is when you can make real changes happen to yourself and your life. But you have to be open to the possibility that anything can happen and it usually does. Do not limit yourself or the ways you can think or imagine things can change. You only hurt yourself when you do place limitations on yourself. Doubting yourself is when you start thinking that what you are doing and how you are doing is wrong. When you take an active part in making things change around you, performing majick, the only thing you really need to know is that what you do and how you feel about it, if you feel when doing it, is all that matters to make change. By limiting yourself and allowing doubt and fear to enter your mind and body, you take away all the possibilities of things you can be capable of doing in your life. This limits the quality and amount of energy you have available to dump into getting those particular changes to manifest. The more you believe and the more energy you place into the desire of wanting that thing or change to happen the better your odds are at getting it. In other words, stop limiting yourself and start living and using these tools that the book and your friends are teaching you. Ask questions. Question everything. Keep what makes sense to you and what seems right to you and get rid of those things you don’t seem to like. Experiment, learn what you can and above all have fun with what gifts the universe has given to you.”

After he speaks, Loki sits besides me. Silent. Pondering. Then he leans over and bumps me. This totally childish action makes me laugh. He smiles once more and gets to his feet. I stay seated and stare up at him. The warmth of the fire, which is still going, lulls me and i feel safe and secure sitting near it. Loki is spinning himself silly, while patting himself down.

“Lose something,” I joke.

“No, actually the opposite. I am looking for something. I know i have it somewhere. But it is not in it’s usual spot. Ah, here it is.” He stops spinning and when he faces me again he is holding a wooden pipe. It appears rather simple, but when he flashes it in the light i can see that it is a double pipe, connected by a single mouthpiece. Around the mouthpiece hung a long cord or string allowing him to dangle it around his neck or maybe attach it to his belt. No markings were on the pipe, but on the backside i was able to catch a glimpse of a single marking. It was a familiar southwestern design of the Native American Indian icon known as Kokopelli, the flute-playing god. In a way it was weird to see the Norseman carrying a symbol of another ancient culture on his person; but it also seemed very fitting.

Loki cleared his throat rather dramatically and inhaled a deep breath. I watch with sudden anticipation and curiosity as to where this is going to take me next. He starts playing the pipes and the most beautiful song starts coming from it. I do not know where it comes from, as I have never heard it before. I close my eyes and watch colors and visions dance before my eyes. The song is hauntingly happy and sad and very anthemic all at once. It reaches deep into my soul and invokes deep emotions within me that i had not felt in a long time.

When i open my eyes i am shocked to find that i have been dancing around the fire which is no longer built into the cave wall. The fire is now in the middle of the room and Loki stands on the other side bent over like a hippie-style Kokopelli. The music continues to pour out of his pipes and i find myself dancing more and more. As if i am a marionette attached to some strings. I feel an overwhelming sense of happiness and peace enter my body and the air around me crackles with the spark of life and majickal energy. I feel apart of the earth and the air and the fire and as i dance more and faster i notice my actions start mimicking the flames in the blaze. I feel more alive than i ever did and this awareness and puppet like effect holding over me does not scare me. It only makes me thrive and want more of it.

Loki starts to sway and step behind him. He begins to walk backwards towards the cave entrance. Taking the music with him. My body feels this pulling and luring away of the music and like a junkie i weave and dance towards him. We continue this strange walk and dance back up the path, which is now lighter than it was when i first arrived into the cave, back out into the sunset sky. The air has become moist with the evening dew and the clouds have now moved from their once fixed position and have now dissipated into the ground. The stars begin to sparkle and shine brightly as the air of music filters its way up towards them. I imagine that they dance the same way i do bringing their twinkling light with them to me.

We continue wandering in and out and around the trees, the music growing and fading and spinning me into dance forms that i have never imagined myself doing. I do not notice where we are going until it is too late, the sound of rushing water fills the gaps between the where the music dims. Loki has been leading me to the cliff this whole time. Panic fills my steps and i waver, trying to break the grip of dancing that has me held. But the music has me firmly in its grasp. Loki disappears, but the music continues. I whip my head around madly to see where he has gone but he is nowhere in my sight.

From out of the mist i hear his voice, deep and softly say, “Trust your self. Know that you are always safe when you walk along the path. Sometimes the first step in believing is that leap of faith off the cliff. Jump now and see where you land.”

Suddenly, the ground is no longer beneath my feet. I am in the air, falling from the cliff.

The valley floor appears a long ways down. It is as if the cliff before and the way it is now are two separate things and while i was in the cave the space between here and down there grew a few miles deeper. My arms open wide out to my sides, ready to embrace what fate has in store for me as i fall. The air rushes against me, cool but warm. I am falling but it is more of a welcome flight than a straight plummeting to my death. Panic no longer fills my body; instead i feel the adrenaline pumping through my veins as my heartbeat increases with the fall. The moon, appearing high above me appears shrouded in a thin veil of fog. It looks yellow and there is an one inch fuzzy halo surrounding it. The moon’s light casts an eerie glow over the entire valley below.

I can see fog beginning to blanket the patchwork fields. A feeling of calm and peace and love and total understanding fills me as i imagine myself gliding through the air like an eagle swooping down upon the earth. Everything is in beauty. Everything is as it is. And i feel so lucky to be a part of it. I rear back my head and call out a war cry of laughter. The land comes closer as the fall grows longer and longer with each second. It seems as if this free fall lasts forever. I hope that i never reach the ground; i could fly and fall like this forever. The ground keeps coming up and it rushes upon me faster now. I am certain i will slam into it. Thoughts spiral through my head, between what occurred with Loki, that book and the new path i seem to have started down. My fears begin to resurface as i realize once again that hitting the ground is now a distinct possibility. I am going to die, i think to myself.

But i do not. I do not smash into the ground like i first thought. Instead i wake up, safely back in my studio. The first rays of sunlight enter through the curtains, casting strange shadows across the bed. Mosi’s fur seems translucent, as she remains curled up by my side. I sit up, my breath coming in long drawn out gasps. That seemed so real. i felt the fire, i felt the falling. I close my eyes and make a mental drawing and writing entry in my mind of all that just happened, as I do not want to lose any of it. The sunlight peeking through the windows, creep onto the bed and along my face, filling me with a good morning warm kiss.

I open my eyes again. Everything seems to glow with an unusual intensity that i never quite saw before. From where i am, colors are more vivid, the wood in the furniture seems more alive, and the air seems to swirl with a life of its own.

“Is this what they mean by seeing the energy of life?” I wonder, now realizing that what Sam and Donovan and Loki were telling me was absolutely real and that it was becoming a part of me.

The time on the clock read half past 6 a.m. which makes sense seeing that in the fall the sun wakes up later. I contemplate rushing over to the phone and calling both Sam and Donovan to tell them all about the dream. I am just too excited and i cannot wait any longer to at least tell someone about the dream. The energy inside my body swirls and my childish giggle gets the better of me. I leap from the bed, causing Mosi to wake up and dart off it as well, and scurry over to the phone and my pants that are laying on the floor. I find Donovan’s number, as i feel the need to call him first.

I am happiest here. I have learned so much since that day. We have expanded the cave out a little bit, so now it has three distinct caverns. One of them is our main gathering room, with a cauldron and fireplace and of course the table upon which we eat. We now have a ritual room with a wonderful altar and sacred space for our friends to visit and enjoy the Goddess with us. And the last room, of course is our bedroom. Rayne and a friend of his, built a beautiful wooden canopy bed and we now have real sheets, sewn by my shaky hands, made from a neighboring village’s sheep.

And there is more. Within this land, there is a secret place, where peoples of all places, who have abandoned the traditional ways of life, have come to live. We live in mountain caves, trees and i have seen a few peoples even set up their homes underground. They have lived right under my village for years and no one has ever caught onto it. I giggle just thinking about how funny that seems. When the day came for Rayne to introduce me to the rest of the clan, he took me by the hand and blindfolded me once more. This time not because he did not trust me, but because it was tradition. If the rest of the village deemed me appropriate and harmless i would be accepted into the clan. At the time, i thought that there were to be no more secrets, boy was i surprised.

Faerie tales do exist. I know this because the Goddess exists. And where to begin about the Goddess. The first evening there, spent in Rayne’s cave, he taught me some more things about how to invoke and devoke the Goddess when i needed to. Of course, she is with us always but there are times when we need to ask her for specific requests and blessings. And for that we need to invoke and devoke. It was then he taught me about the pentagram, that drawing them in two different ways is how one invokes the Goddess into the circle. To invoke the Goddess, the pentagram is drawn starting from the bottom right and moving your hand upwards to a point, then down to the left to a point, then back out to the right creating a right wing, and then straight across to the left to the left wing, and finally from that point, back to the right starting point. A Devoking pentagram is drawn in the opposite manner, starting at the bottom of the left side. The first time i tried to devoke her from my sacred space, i guess i did it wrong, but Rayne told me it was okay, because as long as the actions are filled with your intent and your emotions ring true about what you want and are asking the Goddess for, she will always bide by that rather than the actions. Doing the actions just teaches us to remember things easier and allows us a way to help prepare our mental states for what we are doing.

While invoking and devoking the Goddess or any other energies you may need when making change on a grand scale, there is one more thing you need to do in order to protect yourself and people who do not want to be affected by what change you want. Rayne calls this casting a circle. There is a lot of importance to the idea of circles within Rayne’s family. Circles have no beginning and no end. There is no head of the house, no worries about power struggles and no corners to have evil and bad things hide in. Circles denote the beginning and end, and the cycles always start again. When Rayne and everyone else and me stand around to work together to create special changes, we also stand in a circle. I like to think of this as a fellowship circle where i am able to see all my friends and they can all see me.

There are many ways one can cast a circle. Rayne says i should go with what feels natural. If i want to use a stick and point it outwards, imagining that there is a circle of white light drawing it and enclosing me in my sacred and work space, then i can do it. Or i can put up a circle by pushing my inner energies outwards until i feel i have enough working space to do what i want to do. When there are more than one person usually everyone stands around a circle and one person, walks around everyone and places a circle up around everyone, so that all the energies combining together and working towards a common goal do not go astray elsewhere.

What do we do once we place these circles up? We do things that create change. When it’s done by one’s self for small and simple requests, we call them spells. Spells can be all sorts of things. They can be as elaborate or as simplistic as you want them to be. Simply speaking out in prayer to the Goddess or Gods is a spell asking them for guidance, protection or help. Sitting at your altar, located in your sacred space bringing herbs and stones from the earth together and casting a circle is a bit more elaborate of a spell. When we get together and affect change together, for the common good of all or to celebrate a particular event, we call these gatherings rituals. Usually, rituals mark our holidays, the passing of the seasons or of the moon’s changes. Rituals tend to be more elaborate, but they are not solemn unless that is the intent of the working to be done. They have food and drink and can be quite jovial with music and discussion. And we bring items together with words and energy and focus and we ask the Goddess to help us do what we need to do. Whether that change is inside of us or in our immediate world surrounding us, it is change.

Spell workings and rituals are the method in which we tell the great Goddess what changes we want and how we need it done. Words carefully selected and chosen to convey the spoken demand combine with scents and items picked from nature that symbolize the physical manifestation of what we want to bring to us or away from us. Sometimes dancing or singing or drawing things onto parchment or sand can be used in a ritual or spell. Rayne says that since everyone’s connection to the Goddess is special and unique, then so are the rituals and spells one creates to show her what they need and want to better their lives and worlds.

This is such a wonderful thing to have. I love the ideas of rituals and spells and i know that when i am done progressing through all that Rayne wants to teach me, i will start writing my personal things down. Like the animals that seem to come to me when i am outside alone and thinking, or the spells i have created to help bring health and happiness and understanding to myself and to my parents who i desperately hope are at rest with my disappearance. Sometimes i wish to go down and visit them again, but i dare not, for i am fearful that they will never let me leave again and i will be trapped to live a life that i do not want to lead. Just the simple thought of this makes me saddened and brings out the bumps along my arms.

Spells and rituals also help us to record and implant some of these teachings into our head. It also helps us to get into the right mood for these special workings. I find that once i start lighting the beeswax candles on my altar or burning the dust of sage i just ground up, my mind slips into another state of being; one that is more focused and balanced and more aware of where i am and what is around me. I can feel the waves of energy in this state and can call upon them when i feel i need them. I fear that without having these actions with me, i would forget all that Rayne has taught me. And i dare not do that. Of course, i have this book as well, but the rituals and actions do keep it fresh in my mind.

I stretch as my stomach rumbles. I look up at the clock and it reads Midnight. Wow, i think to myself. Has it really gotten that late? Time seems to move faster as i read the book. Where once before Mosi sat by my side, she now lays curled up in her familiar spot on the bed. I yawn, quite loudly and purposefully and she lifts her head up, almost to tell me to be quiet as if she is sleeping. I smile at her and get up. Stretching once more, i saunter over to the bathroom. The mirror stares back at me the reflection i have grown accustomed to. Deep circles deepen darker under my eyes, a telltale sign of a student who has more than enough stuff to do and not enough sleep. Especially the way that this weekend has gone, and if it goes on for much longer, i may never get any sleep, i think. I pull back the mirror and expose the medicine cabinet where i store my toothbrush and toothpaste. Trancing off into space i accidentally squeeze a bit more toothpaste onto the brush than i wanted to.

The bus pulls into the stop and i enter it. Again, not many people sit on the bus this time of night. I show the driver my student id and wander back to the far back of the bus, where i can be alone to gaze out the window and think. Ten minutes pass and i am off the bus, looking at the brick-building complex that is my home. There are a few lamplights on but for the most part, the area is dark. I inhale the night air, look up at the sky, see a few stars and head back to the safety of my studio and Mosi.

Mosi is sitting by the front door patiently waiting for me to get home. Upon seeing me enter through the door she starts meowing at me.

“I know, i know, sweetie. I was gone too long. I am sorry i left you here all alone,” i say to her, bending over to pick the calico up. “It has been a long day for the two of us has it not?”

She begins to purr. And i just stand there petting her. Sometimes i wish i could be a cat. Having no cares in the world. She begins to squirm so i set her down. I remove my backpack, leaving it by the door and take off the scarf still wrapped around my neck. Then i go into the kitchen and figure out what i will make to satisfy my hungry tummy. I settle on using the last bits of milk and butter to make mac and cheese on the stove. I get a pot, fill it with water and 10 minutes later, i have a house smelling of pasta and cheese.

I go to the bed, grabbing one of my literary books, and begin to settle in for a night of studying and working on my midterms. The food is hot but nourishing and it does help to place me in a much better mood than i was a few hours ago. It is nice to return back to a normal schedule and routine.

The cat, however, has a different agenda. Usually, when i study she sits quietly curled up next to me. Watching my every move and sometimes napping. Tonight, she doesn’t want to do that. Instead, she walks over to the middle of the room, sits down and then begins to cry. I star at her and watch this action for a few seconds.

“Mosi, what is wrong with you? Stop howling. You are going to wake everyone up.”

She pauses her crying for a minute. Then as soon as i turn away from her and refocus my attention back on my studies, she starts crying again.

“Cat you need to stop that now. Do not make me break out the squirt bottle.” I do keep a squirt bottle next to my bed, for the rare times i need to use it on Mosi. Sometimes if she gets loud or tries t open the cabinets or attempts to scratch at the chair, i have had to break it out and squirt her with one stream of water. She never likes that. Usually the word squirt is enough to get her to quit whatever action is annoying me. Not tonight.

Knowing that i am more or less just threatening her and not really feeling up to squirting her with water, she decides to wander over to me. Thinking that she has calmed down a bit, i settle further into my studies. Instead of sitting next to me however, she decides that the textbook makes a better bed and goes to sit on that. Obviously, this stops me from being able to study at all.

She begins to clean herself, right there on my book.

“Okay, beast.” I start. “What has gotten into you tonight. You have never done this to me before. So obviously, something is bugging you. I need to study; i have midterms in two weeks. And if i do not pass, then i may not be able to continue going to school here.”

I tell her all this like she may understand me. But she does not. Instead, she blinks. I reach my hand out to pet her, and then grab her and move her off my book. She draws back and jumps off the bed. I lean back, confused at what she is doing. She never has acted this way before.

“I am going to ignore you now.” I say, thinking that she is just playing with me and does not really want my attention.

This seems to aggravate her because she once again jumps on the bed and sits on my book. “Okay, i give up. Mosi what do you want? Do you need more food or water? Is your box not as clean as it should be?”

I get up off the bed and go check her food and water bowls. They are accurately filled with food and water. So i know that it cannot be those things that have her bugged. I start heading towards the bathroom where i keep her box, passing my backpack by the front door. She darts under my feet and stands next to the bag.

“Hey, careful.” I say.

She stands next to the bag. And cries. I look over my shoulder into the bathroom. The box is clean. Scratching my head i look at the cat once more. She stops crying the moment my eyes fall on her. Seeing that i have no idea what she is up to, she begins to paw the backpack.

“I do not have anything in there for you sweets. There has not been catnip in there for weeks. So what is it you are trying to tell me.” Again i reach my hand towards her to pet her.

Mosi pulls away from me again. I look at her, and then the backpack. And then i sit on the floor, drawing the backpack towards me. I open it and take everything out of the bag.

“See, Mosi, there is nothing left in the bag.” She wanders over to me, and i think she is going to walk into the backpack, but she does not. Instead she walks right by me and goes over towards the books and miscellaneous items i have extracted moments ago.

I watch this with curious interest. She sniffs everything. The pens, the loose-leaf papers, and then the big Book of Shadows. After sniffing that, she sneezes once.

“Bless you beast.” i chuckle. “i guess you are not used to me bringing home books that are so dusty.”

She shakes her head and then moves over to the Book again. I think something on the book must smell weird to her because of her actions towards it. But that is not the case. No, instead what makes it even weirder is that she goes and paws the book. It is almost like she is trying to move it over to me. I hold my breath. This is not happening to me, i think. There is no way she is pushing that book over to me to have me read it. I rub my tired eyes. And blink.

I open my eyes and she is still there, pawing at the book as if she is trying to push it my way.

“You want me to read this book,” I ask her. I move my hand over to the book to pick it up and she stops trying to touch it. Seeing that my hand is firmly on the book she darts off again, and sits on the bed.

I grab the book and set it in my lap. This book has got to be the strangest thing i ever came into contact with. And somehow even my cat knows there is something special about it, because she has never reacted to a book in this way.

“Okay, i guess you want me to read this,” I say again as i get up and move back over to the bed.

I set the book down on the bed, prop two pillows up beneath me and settle in to start reading it again. The cat, who is happy now, walks over to me and curls up in her favorite spot, snuggling next to me as i go back in to read it.

I hope that somewhere in this book it tells me why my cat acted so strangely to it. And with that i take the purple ribbon out and begin to read.

I stare at Sam and blink.
“Um, okay… so what does this mean? Am i supposed to believe that the people who wrote and appear in that Book of Shadows are faeries? Or what?” I am a bit puzzled by seeing this image.

“I dunno. Either it meant, yes, you are supposed to take it at face value. Or it could just be the artist’s representation of the two people. Maybe this artist had a thing for faeries and thought that the Wedding ceremony and Rayne and his Queen reminded him of some sort of majickal handfasting ceremony?”

“I did not mean to just to conclusions, Sam; I am just torn and confused by all this. Things are happening so fast. I do not know if i have time to research this all, and besides what if it is all one big joke, i mean, it may not even have anything to do with my dream. Which i had it again last night, but this time I remembered it all, or most of it and i woke up crying and then there is this thing with the book. I do not know why this is happening to me?”

I feel as if i am 5 years old again, faced with the moral dilemma of having too many cookies in my hand as i try and extract it from the cookie jar.

Sam cuts me off. “Whoa… You had another dream? And you remembered it? How do you know it was the same dream? Tell me all about it. Now.” Her eyes look towards the front of the store, double-checking that no one enters upon our conversation.

“Yeah, i had that same dream last night. You mean i didn’t tell you about it?” I start.

“No, you didn’t mention it over the phone doofus,” Sam says while taking me back to the classroom area. I plop down on the sofa and put my feet up on the table. The backpack remains on the floor by my side.

“Yeah well, it starts out with me a some other kids, with wings, running through this open field. The air is amazingly fresh and i can smell flowers and the sun is out. It is almost a very festive atmosphere as if i am running in a game of tag before someone’s wedding. In the distance there are these clouds. Horrible ugly clouds. And later in the dream, they turn into men. Angry men wearing masks, coming to kill us. There is no way i can wake up at this point and all i can do is stand there and watch in horror as these men on horses go around killing people who cannot run as fast as some of the others. I know this is the same dream because this time, someone vaguely familiar to me, picks me up and runs off with me, as i am shouting ‘mommy’.

Then i woke up this time, crying. It was horrible and the images were so vivid.”

Sam nods through the whole thing. “Wow… okay, yeah.” She sits back in the rocker. It creaks as she rocks and thinks.

“Kendra, did it ever occur to you that the dream and your Book of Shadows may be interconnected.”

“Interconnected, how,” now I am really confused.

“Has the book told you about the 3 types of majicks yet? Or even better, did it even tell you what majick was?” she asks.

“No. To both those questions. i never knew that there were 3 different types of majick. I thought there was only one type of energy but that is subject to change depending on whether the person using it is good or evil.”

Sam, readjusts her position, looks at the front of the store again, and seeing no one, settles down and continues, “Okay. I know of two different definitions of real majick. The first one, attributed to Aliestar Crowley, simply states that majick is the combination of the art and science of causing change to occur in conformity with your will. I have also heard that majick is the art of changing one’s consciousness at will, either yours or another’s. To me, majick is a tool that allows me to improve my life and my mind and affect changes in the world around me. Ever since i started working with energy and practicing majick i have noticed that i feel more focused and my quality of living has improved greatly. And as you can see, i am happier now.”

“Majick affects the natural world around us and our inside. I was taught that there are different types of majicks one can perform in this world. The first type, known as White Majick, is majick that is done on you. The magick one works on them self is usually of a healing or beneficial nature only. The second type, known as Gray Majick, is majick that is done on inanimate objects or on other people that have given your consent to perform something on them. This is the most common type of majick we use because typically we imbibe objects with some sort of power or energy to help us to attain our goal. Gray Majick done on other people is also beneficial majicks and in some cases because you are not working directly on yourself, you never know what the final outcome of the spell or majick will be. So in some cases, the spell may go bad and have a different (not always bad) effect than what you originally intended. Black Majick, yes there is such a thing as that, is majick that is performed to harm someone or is done to help or harm someone else against their wishes. Even if it is a healing spell or sending happy energy towards someone who does not wish it, that is considered black majick.”

“So what happens if you do go around casting black majick on others,” i questioned.

“Good question,” Sam said. “We believe in karma. You know, what you do and say and put out in this world comes back to you. Except witches believe that what you put out in the universe comes back threefold. So if you want to attract lots of bad things towards you, go ahead and cast spells and perform hurtful rituals towards others. But if you want love and happiness and good things coming back to you, send out happy and healing energy. I’m sure that if you look back on your life you will notice times in your life where things happened in sets of 3. Kinda makes you wonder does it?”

I closed my eyes and scanned the recent history of things that happened to me. There were times in my life when good things happened and bad things happened and yes many of those things seemed to come in sets of three. I was not totally convinced but i did like the idea that good things beget good things. I thought about how amazing this majick stuff really was. And how consuming it was.

“The book got into balancing, focusing and power. How does this all fit into these types of majicks.” I said.

“Well, Kendra, majick is the name we give those three things when used together. One cannot effectively use majick to change their perspective and world unless they have enough power, are focused on the intent and outcome of the goal, and are balanced within themselves so that they have neither love nor hatred within themselves. If you have all three of those ingredients, your majick will be very strong and it can help you gain whatever you want in this world. Does this make any sense?”

I nodded my head. It was a lot to digest.

“I am sure you have a lot of questions, huh?”

Again i bounce my head up and down.

“Sounds rather ethical, and formal. Are there any other rules i may need to know?” I wished i had brought my spiral notebook because this was very interesting.

“Yeah, actually we have a few more things we go by. One of them is that you should always follow your instinct. As you know what is best for yourself. Do not take anything anyone says as 100% truth. Even what i tell you now. Even what the Book of Shadows teaches you. If you are confused, read up on it and talk to others. If it goes against what you think is right in your heart, discard it.

“You will also read and hear something known as the Wiccan Reide. As thou harm none, do as thy will. Basically, it says what it means. As long as you are not hurting anyone else, you are free to do whatever you want. Some witches argue that the Reide doesn’t include one’s self. However, many people do tend to include their own selves in with this statement. I am not sure how it all got started but we just try not to harm others. Bad karma, i guess.

“Another way you will hear it stated, is do what thou will is the whole of the law. Love is the law, love under will. While it contains some of the same elements as the Reide, it also differs slightly. All it really says here is that we have the ability to do what we want, whatever our Will is. Our will is defined as our life path, goals and the things that make us happiest here and now. Not for the future, not in the past. Now. So if we are doing things that make us happy, that is all we have to worry about. That next part says that love is the law, most witches interpret that as doing no harm towards others. So you are able to do what you want, here and now, as long as it does not hurt anyone including oneself. That last part, love under will says that together these things.”

“Sam, how do you know if someone wants you to do majick for or on them? And what do you do?”

“That is easy. Never assume someone wants your help or your majickal ability. Either you ask them for your assistance or you wait until they approach you. If someone wants something from you that goes against the Witches Reide or your morals, do not help them. Always trust what you want, and remember if you put forth that energy, it will come back to you. It always does. And most people really do not need or want anything bad coming back to them.”

Sam opens her mouth to continue speaking when the bells on the front door jingle. Immediately she stands up and walks out of the classroom to see whom it is.

“Hey stranger,” I hear her exclaim, “It has been, what, forever since i last saw you.”

I lean forward, over the coffee table, quite curious to see who it is. Sam stands on the tip of her toes, her arms flung around a slender, tall man. His hair, long and curly and brown tumbles over his shoulders. His skin is tan and he’s wearing a dark green sweater that is torn and faded. It appears well loved. He also wears jeans, which are tight fitting and black doc marten boots. Dangling around his waist is a shoulder bag. From the looks of it, he i rationalize that he may be another student at University Bay. Like me. But i have never seen him around the campus before.

“Kendra. Stop being such a sophomore and get out here. I want to introduce you to Donovan.”

I grab my backpack and walk over. For some reason i just cannot bear to leave that Book of Shadows sit on its own. Terrified that someone may take it, which would mean i would never really be able to solve the puzzle. I am totally enchanted by it. I bump into the corner of the wall as i creep around the corner. Great, what a dork i am, i think.

“Hehe.” Sam says, “Donovan, this is Kendra. She is the one i told you about. The neophyte that could use a bit of instruction.”

He turns to me. Oh my god. He has these gorgeous gray eyes. Under the spotlight from one of the track lights he appears almost faerie like himself. I gasp, and blush as i slowly extend my hand out to great him.

“Hi,” i squeak.

He grabs my hand lightly, then draws it closer to his red lips, and lightly kisses the back of my hand. All the while his eyes never leave my face. It makes me a bit awkward as well as honored and a bit flattered. Instantly i feel my face warm. Sam is still smiling hugely, obviously enjoying this.

“Honored, to meet you my Goddess.” Donovan whispers.

“Of course, he says that to all the pretty pagans,” Sam says walking back over to me. “Donovan is far more knowledgeable in witchcraft and energy majick than i am. I asked him to maybe assist you in providing some answers that i cannot answer while i am at work and that i may not know from the book.”

Donovan smiles and nods his head. “So, why do we go back into the classroom and you can fill me in on what you have read and what you know.”

“Okay.” i say and turn back towards the classroom.

Reclaiming my old spot on the sofa, i set the back next to me. And stare back into him. “So I take it Sam told you about what is going on?”

“Yes, actually she did. I am sorry if that offends you.”

“No it does not. I am sorry. I was just caught off guard. So much has happened in such a little time that i have sort of developed paranoia of what is really going on. First i get this book, then i am able to remember my nightmares, and then Sam shows me this picture and i have no idea what to think of it or where my life is now going. Does that help?”

Donovan closes his eyes. And pauses. The room is dead quiet now. Sam turned off the music in the front of the store and is bent over a book of some sort. From where i am sitting i cannot see the title or read anything from the back dust cover. I inhale deeply and try and relax. But it is a bit hard to do with Donovan sitting near me. He excites me and makes me nervous at the same time. I do not know why, boys have never bothered me this way before. I avert my eyes away from him the moment i see his eyes open to gaze back at me.

He leans forward in his chair and places his hands over his chin. “Tell me, what do you know of the healing energies?”

i blink. “Um, i am not sure i understand what you are saying. I know very little of anything. The book i found talks about meditations, and sacred spaces and the elements. Sam has given me a little bit more knowledge of what majicks are and can do, and how to really ethically use them. But as far as what you are defining to me; it is all new to me.”

“Okay. i will try and make this easy for you to understand. I wish we had more time to speak but i feel that you will continue to walk down this path very quickly. And there is not a lot of time to properly train and arm you with all the knowledge and tools you will need to get to where you are going. I know this confuses you more, but i do believe that as you suggest, the Book you found and the image and your dream is interconnected. I believe that you have uncovered a secret. Something buried in your past, deep and forgotten by your heritage, is coming back. And that by discovering that Book of Shadows and beginning to read it caused a chain reaction to take place within your spirit, body and mind. I ask about the healing energies because i have learned that sometimes knowing where you are and how you stand with these things can act as a barometer for you in situations like the one you are in and will continue to find yourself in.

“The energies i refer to are called the Chakras. The word chakra comes from sanskirt and means quite literally wheel. As a system, there are 7 of these wheels and they are scattered throughout your middle of your body. The Chakras are an Indian mode of relating physical and mental disorders to things that happen within your spiritual self. These 7 areas are part of this spiritual self and can help in treating dis-eases and disorders and help to keep you balanced and focused and operating at optimum power (otherwise known as feeling your best). Does this make sense?”

I feel my head drop into the classroom nod mode. It does begin to make some sense, but I am still puzzled by most of the mystery this whole episode of my life seems to be enveloped in. I still wish i had a notebook and pen with me to write some of this down. Oh well, next time, if there is a next time. I shall remember to bring one with me.

Donovan continues, “The chakras can be seen as wheels that spin and operate separately of one another and yet cause the others to turn as well. If one of these wheels develops a problem, the other wheels near it become affected. Okay, now the way this all works is that the Chakras start at the bottom and work their way up to the top. I usually think of a dot at the bottom of the page, turning into a line growing taller. But that is just how i get the chakras straight. All living things have these power centers, however some people do believe that the lower animals only have access to the first 4 of them. But if you own a pet or have really spent time with animals, you probably notice that they actually do seem to have those other ‘higher three’ chakras that some people want to say only humans are privy too.

Starting at the bottom, the first chakra is the base or sex chakra. Usually when you think of this area you associate it to your sexual organs. Also, in meditations on the chakras, which i will share one with you in a bit on how you can do an internal chakra systems check to see if you are out of balance, the base chakra tends to show up as the color red. Now why place this chakra at the bottom? Well, if you think of it in terms of evolution, the first and most primordial passion all organisms have in them is the desire to procreate. Without this chakra, there would be no way to pass on one’s lineage and knowledge. Now when you have issues with your reproductive tract or libido, or perhaps you have a psychological issue with some of the basic concepts that sex teaches, such as pleasure and reproduction, then you have issues with this base chakra.

“Moving right up, we have the sacral chakra. This second chakra, corresponds to the stomach and other survival instincts. It connects this physical area to our survival skills as well as to the Earth. If it is out of balance one experiences tension and perhaps fears about survival and being on this planet. When you think of this chakra in terms of colors, it is seen as orange. Depending on what books you read, sometimes this chakra is represented in the place of the base chakra. For me, i tend to disagree with that format, it makes more sense for me to think of the base chakra being in alignment with the sexual organs and not the stomach and survival things.

“The third chakra, also known as the solar plexus chakra, controls our awareness of ourselves. It is the ego chakra. Its color is yellow. If you ever feel out of control or feeling like someone is controlling you, then it may be blocking this chakra.

“The fourth chakra is the heart chakra. It is linked to the heart and the lungs and it also gets connected to one’s emotions as well. The color association with the heart chakra is green. Which is odd because whenever i see this area in meditations, i picture it as a rose. And roses typically are not green. Are they? In any case, issues with this chakra stem from the heart, so asthma, bronchitis, people who have emotional issues relating to relationships may all fall into this category.

“The fifth chakra is the throat chakra. It deals with communications and speaking. Sometimes it can get blocked when you are not saying things you need to say to yourself or others or perhaps you are talking too much. Blue is this chakra’s color. I know that sometimes when i write, if i get a writers block, i tend to wonder what is up with this chakra because it deals with written communications as well.

“The sixth chakra, the third eye or brow chakra, deals with our ability to perceive things. This chakra connects our eyes with our extrasensory areas and gives us the ability to see that which can be felt or is hidden. If you are having issues dreaming, seeing auras, or imagining things, then this area may be blocked. The color purple represents this chakra.

“The last chakra, we also call it the crown chakra, is your connection to your divinity. It is pure white and can sometimes be seen extending outwards in rays or a string. I see it as a string, the way the fates use it to keep a person alive in this world. In Greek mythology the fate that kills you, does so by cutting this string, or chakra from your head. Usually people with weak spirits or undernourished spirits or souls have their seventh chakras dimmed. I have never really encountered someone whose chakra disassociated himself to everything around them but i am sure they would be perceived almost as the walking dead. I know i would feel that way if i was never able to feel the connection to my sweet Goddess, Qualm.”

“Qualm, Donovan? I have never heard of a Goddess who goes by that name. What culture was she taken from?”

“Oh, I am sure you have. She is Kali, from Indian myths. She is the creator and the destroyer and the eater of men. When i started the chakra healing arts and learning and devoting myself to this path, it was she who approached me as a focus. There are some witches out there who scoff at me for taking on such a powerful Goddess but she has my heart and my love and through her i teach others.”

“Really? i had no idea that Kali was such a big influence for majicks. I thought it was more of a British Isle tradition.”

“Nope, actually as you will find out, paganism and witchcraft tend to draw on mysticism and myth and knowledge from all walks of life. I know that Sam is more into the Shamanism and Druidic traditions than i am. I prefer to focus on the chakras and eastern ways of healing one’s self through majickal energy.

“So any ways, on to that chakra meditation. When you start reading up more on the chakras and all they can do and ways they can help you heal, you will see that many books refer to the centers as appearing like flowers. Now flowers can open and close when they want. When they open, they are happy and full of life. But if they are closed, they are sheltered and in need of nourishment. So if you close your eyes, and think of each chakra– again starting at the bottom, as a flower, you can determine whether they are open or closed. If they are open, you are fine in that area. However, if you picture the flower closed, then it means you have a block there and you need to diagnose and figure out how to clear it so your energy can return to a normal state of mind. Do not worry or get upset if you find yourself with a lot of blocks. The chakras are very touchy centers and sometimes can become blocked and unblocked easily. Once you start paying attention to your body and how you react in different situations you will begin to understand how the chakras interact with what you feel and you will be able to get them unblocked at will. I say we try this now. So go ahead, close your eyes and tell me what you see in each chakra area.”

I take a deep breath and close my eyes. At first it is hard for me to come up with anything. Then as i breathe deeper and deeper and focus only on these seven areas and myself in my body, i start seeing flowers.

“My base chakra appears as a red lotus flower. And it is open. The second chakra, is also open, but it’s not really any true flower. The third chakra is a bit closed, but i guess that is something i have known because of work and school and my upbringing. The heart chakra is closed. Odd, i have always thought of myself as being open to love and very loving. I am surprised to see this one close. Everything else but the third eye chakra seems to be open as well. So what does this mean and how do i clear these blocks?” I opened my eyes.

Donovan smiles at me but he doesn’t seem to surprised. “Good and yes, i saw that in you. Once you become more adept in seeing auras and knowing about the chakras, and getting that third eye chakra cleaned out, you too will be able to help others and see where their blocks lie. The heart chakra block you have may be related to your family life. Maybe there is something missing from it or something you need to deal with at that point. The third eye chakra is not surprising as i do not believe you have ever really taken the idea of majick and the supernatural too seriously, i think that by learning majick and continuing down this path you are on, it will open itself up naturally over time.”

My mind’s wheel turned with all this. I was not sure how i felt about the assessment on my heart and the block that was there. I did not feel anything and i never knew my parents to lie to me. Then again, could there be something in my past they are not telling me? I did not like that thought, but then again, with the dream and those feelings of being ripped apart and away from something i could have known… that dream and the Book, those are the keys to unlocking my heart, I think to myself.

I continue to sit in silence. My mind trying desperately to absorb all this news and information. I need time, and i need to be alone. And i need to do homework and i need to get food. Food, i think to myself, i have not eaten anything all day yet.

“Donovan, as much as i would love to continue talking about this and everything else i think i need to let all this digest. I have not eaten all day and i should head home to eat. And think.”

“Kendra, i think that is a very wise idea.” He gets up and wanders over to where he set his bag down. “Let me give you my home phone number, in case you have any more questions. I would like to talk to you some more sometime, so please give me a call.”

He rips a piece of paper from a notebook and scribbles his name and number on it. I take the paper out of his hand and stare at his script. It is a bit messy but legible. “Okay, and thanks. I promise if i do have any questions you or Sam will be the first to know.”

As if on cue, Sam walks over to me. “Awww… and i was hoping you would stay for a while longer.”

“i would love to Sam, really i would. But i am hungry and i have about a bizillion things running through my head. I need time to digest it all and think and i do have school homework to do. You know with midterms coming up on me and all.”

“Oh i totally understand. So go home and eat and have yourself a wonderful night. If you get bored or want to chat a bit more, call me. Before 8 p.m. of course. I may be clubbing again tonight. You know how i am and all that.”

I smile. Sam was definitely always one for a good party. I give her a big hug and Donovan also comes over and hugs me. And with that i leave out of the Wishpering Shadows bookstore. The sun has long set now, the streets are dark and it is cold outside. My breath comes out in clumps of steam now, as i make my way to the bus stop. The air hangs thick with the scents of restaurants making and serving dinner. It only makes me want to get home faster and cook. I allow my mind to wander about what i will make for dinner. I just do not want to think much more today about majick and the occult. Even though i do want to get home and read more.